2 Goals reached

Current Monday weight: 170. & I officially weigh less than Nate by 9 pounds! 10 pounds to my final goal and 96.6 pounds lost since surgery! 2012 is a year I will never forget.

Just a fluke

These past 2 days I've had this feeling that this is all a fluke. That smaller Bre is just a temporary thing and I'm scared to death that fat Nate and Bre will be back. Nothing has changed in me to think that but there is this stupid voice in my head that has me worried. I wonder how these fears come in. That's what they are fear. This new lifestyle is so unknown to me that maybe that is why these fears exist. I will fight for this life with all I have. Not because of the way I look but because of what happiness it has brought all of us. This life feels so much better than a bag of doritos and queso.

Vegas baby

Just over a week away and Nate & I will be in Vegas. I did some shopping this week for Vegas nightclub outfits. When I went into Target to try on a pair of jeans I grabbed a size 12 in juniors but then I started to second guess myself and I grabbed a 13 and 15 just in case. No need the 12's fit like a glove.

Here are a few outfits. The black dress was a no go. It tried to eat me and was too short. I actually got stuck in the dress and had to have Ethan come help me out of it. lol

Some kind of wonderful

As most of you know on Christmas Day I ran an entire 5K without stopping once. It wasn't even a thought on my goal list because I didn't realize it was possible. My sister ran with me the entire time and she encouraged me the whole way through. I don't think I could have done it without her. She really is some kind of wonderful. When I finally sat down in my car and had a moment to think of what I had just accomplished I started to cry. Here are a couple pictures from the run that day. I wonder if I'll be able to do it without my sister by my side. I wish she lived in town with me. I feel like I could accomplish anything with her by my side.

Perfect

I thought about writing a letter but then I don't think I want the kind of relationship that is required.

6 month check up

This morning was my 6 month check up and I guess I'm overdue for an updated picture!

The doctor said I was doing great and on track. He asked me what my goal weight was and I told him 160. He said I should have no probably getting to that plus more. He also said that the looseness in my belly couldn't be fixed by anything but cosmetic surgery. I told him I was planning on getting a tummy tuck and he said another 10-15 pounds would come off then.  My labs also looked good. The wait for the doctor was 5 times longer than my actual visit with the doctor himself. He said I will have 1 more follow up appointment and that would be in June for my anniversary. Then I would come to see him once a year after that.

The visit was short and sweet. I wish my doctor had a better bedside manner but I'm glad that what he lacks in personality he has in skillful hands. Knock on wood I've had no issues. Oh, the issue from the other day he said was gas. Great! That's not embarrassing or anything.

Not mataba

This morning I went to my local Asian Market for pancit noodle. the smell from the back of the store pulled me back. I had a conversation with the owner & decide on a serving of adobo. She asked me if I wanted rice & I said "no, I'm trying to lose weight & can't eat rice." She replied, "oh, no. Your not mataba your tall." I thanked her & left the store adobo in hand beaming. I'm not mataba. It's so hard to believe that I'm not mataba anymore but overweight.

Hair update: I had my hair done this morning & discussed hair loss with Sherri. She said others can't notice right now but if I lost more on my sides they would. I have to make sure I'm eating 100 grams of protein a day and to stop putting my hair in a ponytail because it stresses out the hair on the sides. No pony tail :( we also decided that in 6 weeks I'm going back to brown. I've been wanting to try it the last 2 months so she said let's just do it. Plus the brown will make my hair look fuller & if I don't like it we can change it back.

Support

I go into things with the mindset that I will be facing them alone. That this challenge whatever it may be will be my challenge to face. I felt the same about this surgery and the journey that was ahead of me. I knew I would be dragging my kids with me. They didn't have a choice.  My husband has support me 95% of the time during my journey. I'm only deducting 5% because of the few months after surgery when he was eating all he could in front of me and arguing with me about sharing his HAWG sandwich. lol Even though I don't expect support from anyone I'm blessed and grateful to know that I've had it every step of the way.  From my wonderful husband, to my in-laws, friends, and I think the most surprising is my own family especially my sisters.  The little messages and encouraging words I get from them help push me through on my difficult days. 

My sister's surprised me today by telling me that they are planning on joining me for the Gate River Run.  When I received Katherine's message I thought she meant just her and her family and when she named my other 3 sister's the tears started flowing. I can't believe they would all travel this far to come run/walk this with me.  To support me. It makes me even more excited for the challenge that is ahead of me to know that I'm going to get to do it with my sisters by my side. Or ahead of me. lol  It also motivated Nate to say he was going to sign up because he couldn't let the Grayson girls show him up.

Of course now I'm super excited. I just love to plan things. And I love the thought of all my sister's here. I hope that everyone's plans work out just right. I can just see us now sitting around Friday night eating a Carb feast and then a post run shindig at my house. I can already see the picture of us with our medals and red faces!

Edit: I just wanted to add that I don't think my original statement is 100% true. I don't go into things expecting to be by myself because the truth of the matter is that every single thing I've done in the past 9 years my husband has stood by my side. If I want to do it and I have a deep desire to do it he supports me. Regardless if at times he doesn't agree with me. He's always by my side. He was just by my side for a brief moment over eating and not sharing his hawg sandwich. ;) I think that he gets extra credit for supporting me at times when my ideas were bat shit crazy which brings his grade back up to 100%.

A heavy heart

This morning an armed man walked into a elementary school in Conn & killed 18 children & several adults. Immediately my heart felt so heavy & I was fighting back years. Those poor babies. Frighten & scared. Who could do that to such innocents? People on FB are posting what an awful world this is or what are we coming to. It can't be this. We can't live in a world where we hurt our children. I picture their little faces. My daughters face. My Ethan's face & the tears start flowing. I won't accept that this is our future. My children deserve a different world than this. Please pray for these families. For those little angels that were taken today. For their scared friends. For the strength to explain such ugly to these kids. For healing. Pray for my kids & your kids. Pray that they never know this hurt or fear.

A quick after picture

I always get asked how my stomach looks or skin looks now so I thought I would share a quick picture of me that I took 2 days ago. Approx 180 pounds. 

As you can tell in the front picture my stomach doesn't look that bad. The upper part of my stomach around my belly looks a little bit wrinkled but not too bad. You can see 2 scars from the surgery. 1 above my belly button and 1 to the left. I have a larger one on my right side but you can't see it in the picture.

Side view: you can see I still have a belly. I really hope that the last 20 pounds comes from my belly. If not when I have a tummy tuck in the next year and a half that will help clean that part up.  Besides my arms being a tad flabby I think my skin is recovering well.

After the first of the year I'm joining a 6am yoga class with John for 6 weeks. I need help with stretching and creating muscle and I want to try something fun. I'll let you know if I love it.

1...2...

Count with me. 1, 2, STOP

What's 6x2, 6+6, 3x4, 10+2?

And what size did this girl fit into last night?

Say it with me....12

This girl fit into several pairs of size 12s last night. I was able to zip them without having to suck all my air in or pass out. I could wear them comfortabley around town if I was ready.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a size 12. I thought i would get to  a 14 and I would be happy at a 14.

Unbelieveable.

The big one

The Gate River Run

If I can do this I can do anything. 9.39 miles. The race that I never in my wildest dreams thought I could do.

Through downtown, over 2 bridges and weaving throughout San Marco. A 15K. 3 times longer than I currently run/walk.

I'm not going to lie I doubt myself. Big time. I doubt my abilities all the time. I like to speak outloud confidently but as always my biggest demon's and obstacles are inside my head.

I want to do this. I need to do this. I need to prove to myself that I can do this. That I'm not the same girl I was. That there's nothing on this earth that I'm not capable of doing. I know it's only 9 miles and to some people it's a walk in the park but to me at this moment it's my Mt. Everest.

This morning Chrissy started walking with me again. It's almost like started from scratch for her so it will be slow. I downloaded a 15K for beginners training sheet which starts on Monday.  I'm going to use this week with Chrissy as a nice warm upand then hit it on Monday.

This is a copy of my training guilde. http://www.gate-riverrun.com/images/15ktraining.pdf

What are your thoughts?  For my readers/friends/family that have pushed through something they thought they couldn't do. How did you do it?  What drove you?

Edit: Once I finish the race I'm totally gifting myself this as a goal reward!

I still have all my organs

This past Monday on the way to work I suddenly became nauseous and had to pull of on the side of the road. I hadn't had my breakfast yet and I had no known reason for me to get sick.  It happened again right after breakfast.  LET'S STOP RIGHT HERE! I know where every one's minds are going and no I'm not pregnant. In September I had an IUD put in affectionately called my ET transmitter because I believe my girl can talk to aliens now. Okay so Monday's episode was strange but not a big deal. This stomach to me is still fairly new so I wasn't concerned with it.  Wednesday night I work up around 2:30am with the most God awful pains in my stomach.  Correction to right of my stomach. I immediately started thinking about my gallbladder and the medicine that doctor prescribed to avoid gall stones. The ones sitting on my dresser. Untouched.  Had I screwed up?  Did I break myself by not taking this medicine?  Again came the nausea. It took about an hour for the pain and sick feeling to go away and I was able to fall back asleep.  Friday night it happened again and this time Nate was awake to witness it. He immediately become concerned. I started googling it and everything was leading me to think that this was an issue with my gallbladder. I didn't say anything to Nate because honestly I didn't want to go to the ER. I didn't want to have another surgery. I didn't want to hear that I messed up. I didn't want to miss work. I didn't want to miss planned photography sessions. I didn't want my kids to have to spend the evening in the ER or bother to get a sitter again. I could deal with the pain. It would go away eventually.  Nate came up to me and gave me 2 options to go or to go.  I called my surgeon's office and he said it could be my gallbladder or it could be nothing but the only way to know is go up to the ER. He told me to make the smart decision.  I laid down in bed, put on love songs, and cried. I knew what the smart choice was. I had to make sure I was okay. This is my responsibility. We lined up a sitter and Nate & I headed to the downtown ER. On a Friday night.

The place was awful. I'm not a very patient person so I don't like to wait. That's a bad combo for an ER. The adult side was much different than the child side we had experience a month back. It had the weirdest people ever. Nate called them tweakers. People who were clogging up my line because they wanted pain meds. Really people!? I eventually got to the back around 8pm and they took blood and gave me an IV for the nausea.  Around 10pm they did an ultrasound. Around 11pm they told me the ultrasound came back normal and the blood work did too. My gallbladder and that other small organ that Madeline had taken out (?) were good!  Next they wanted me to do a CT scan.  12am came and they brought in 2 16 oz bottles and told me that I had to drink them in order to have a CT scan.  My pouch is 3-4 oz in size. This seemed impossible but they didn't care.  It took me an hour to get 1 bottle down. Hello 1 am. And I got about a quarter of the 2nd bottle down and poured the rest down the drain. I could fill it all coming back up so Nate told the nurse I was ready to go and I was going to be sick. No problem she said they will be right over. 45 mins later my overeating headache started and I felt full and uncomfortable. I had enough. I wanted to go home. I pulled the cords and blood pressure cuffs off me and told the nurse to take out the IV. Put a fork in her because this girl was done! They didn't understand what they had done to me. I don't have normal inside. They made it worse and I had that headache for a better part of the day on Saturday.

What I did find out is that my gallbladder is fine. I don't believe it's an obstruction issue because that would happen after eating not hours after. I have my 6 month doctor's appointment next week and I will talk to Dr. H about it then.  I really think it was just painful gas. Last week I had a lot of pepper jack cheese and spicy almonds trying to get in as much protein as possible. Since Friday I haven't had any issues.  I'm hoping that this is my last trip to the ER.

Weight loss status: 180.2
I'm 20.2 away from my goal. My size 14 jeans are getting a bit loose. I can't even begin to fathom that I could be a girl that wears a size 12.

I'm a medal winner!

Well so were the other 200 people running but I don't care I finally have a medal for running a race. To top it off I also beat my last time. I finished at 42.22. I was 6th out of my age group of 7 runners. The 5th place runner finished almost 10 minutes before me.  Grrr. That seems impossible.  (C'mon Sabrina at this point you should know nothing is impossible!)

My goal each race is to beat the race the time before. My next race is this Saturday evening for the Jingle Bell Run.  Nate will not be doing it.  His knee hurt him so bad this past Saturday he walked off the course after the first block. I saw the defeat in his eyes on the way home. I felt so bad for him. I suggested and others have that he take the next month off from running 5Ks and give his knee a break. 

This was a big dinner weekend. We had 2 family events and a no cook Friday.  No cook Friday we did thin crusted veggie pizza.  It's a good alternative to a regular slice of pizza but really not enough protein for me.  Dinner on Saturday we went to Outback. I ordered a kids half rack of ribs and steamed broccoli.  No cheese fries, no blooming onion, and no bread for me. I did eat 2 croutons dipped in ranch. That was my treat.  Sunday night we went to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Dena's birthday.  A weight loss patient at a place called Cheesecake? Seems unfair right? lol They have a skinny menu so I ate 3 Asian chicken lettuce tacos. It was very tasty and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. Then came desert. I didn't eat a single bite of cheesecake. I had oreo, cookie dough, snickers, red velvet, and original all around me but I wasn't craving a bite of any of them.  Dena, Eric, and Stella were asking me about my surgery. How I feel now? Do I miss things? Is it hard? They always ask me lots of questions and I don't mind. I try not to talk about it unless people ask. I don't want to brag about my weight loss especially around people who are struggling with it. I don't want anyone to get hostile feelings towards me.  When I walked up at dinner Stella said she was going to punch me in the face. lol

I did finally put it out on my FB business page. I weighed that morning and I was so excited that I had lost 100 pounds since Oct 2011. Now I'm kinda indifferent on sharing. Should I have said something? Will people think I'm bragging? Should I not care and be proud of myself?  Do I actually have something to be proud of or did I take the easy way out?