Can you believe that I'm less than 1 week away from my surgery anniversary?!? I can't believe it's been 1 year already. Time is flying by.
I've had a very busy 2 weeks. I went to our annual seminar in St. Pete last week. This is the first time I've seen everyone since October. I was around 200 pounds in Ft Lauderdale and in a large and XL pant. I'm now 149 and in a size 8 pant and S/M shirt. The dark hair also threw people off. Every time someone said something to me I would reply, "Oh, it's the hair." ;) Overall it went well. I told one lady who kept asking me and telling me I was her inspiration. I felt like I was misleading her if I didn't tell her about my surgery. A few people didn't recognize me and even the president of one company told me all night at dinner that it was a pleasure to meet me. Um, I've had dinner with him twice before. I felt great. I bought some new dresses at Steinmart and spent a small fortune ($200) but it was worth it. I felt put together. I felt professional. It was a good trip. I'm glad to have that over with and now they all know what Sabrina 2.0 looks like.
A new thing. My husband loves me. He knows I love him but for some reason he is scared to death that I'm going to leave him. And it isn't just because I'm skinny he's always had this fear that our forever would end. And no matter what I tell him he always says, "You better not leave me." Every blue moon. During this business trip we stayed very busy and I didn't get to talk to him as often as I would have. The very last night I spoke to him around 4ish and went to the rest of the seminar, followed by the cocktail hour, followed by dinner, and then drinks with some colleagues. I didnt' get home until 1:30am and I didn't have my phone on me. I put it in my purse at dinner and didnt' pull it back out until I got back into my room. I had missed 3 calls from him and a message saying he wasn't happy with me. I called him when I got into bed and spoke to him and then called him again that next morning. He said he wasn't happy but he was okay and just had a bad feeling. That I was smokin' hot and didn't want someone to take me. He told me he went as far to check my cellphone text messages and noticed that I had messaged 3 out of state numbers and the times of those messages. Of course it's nothing juicy and I told him who they were and why. We didn't argue about it we just talked. I told him that I felt like crying because I felt hurt. That the whole situation felt weird. Like he didn't trust me. I've put 9 years into this relationship and have been honest to a fault with him and never once cheated on him. Then in a weird way it felt good too. It felt good to know he loves me that much and thinks I'm that pretty that someone would snatch me up like that. So we talked it out and everything is okay. I understand where he's coming from. I'm flattered but I also don't want him to think I would every do anything to risk our marriage.
VA: This weekend I also went home to visit my family. I haven't been home in a year and I was excited to see everyone again. Well you know what I mean. Most. lol When asked how the trip was the best I can explain is they are who they are. If I expect any less or more I would be disappointed. I've learned from years of arguing and tears to just accept them for who they are. Especially my parents and I'm okay with that.
My niece was just as expected. Adorable as ever and Lorelei could have eaten her with a spoon. It was nice to see Katherine and David as parents. They are both wonderful with their daughter and you can see the love they have for her runs over. I did get a few "first time parent" giggles from them but every first time parent goes through that. I can't help that I'm an old ass lady with a 12 year old son. I enjoyed seeing Christina. I wish I could have spent more time with her. She's such a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders. She reminds me a lot of Charlyn. Christopher wasn't able to make it and him & Charlyn were missed. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with Caroline and I wish I could. That girl really pulls and erks me at the same time. I just don't think she knows who she is and the way people treat her really pulls at my heart string. I feel so bad for her that she is dealing with my father all on her own. I hate that she isn't an honest person but she is very much her father's daughter. When I hear him or others judge her it makes me giggle because she is a younger version of him. He isn't honest. He will twist a story to get people upset. But again it is who he is and I just ignore it. With her though it's hard to ignore. I want so much more for her. I want her to like herself and be proud of herself. I want her to be successful. I wish she felt like she could trust one of us to be 100% honest with us. It's strange but I realized this week that she is actually closer to my son's age than she is to mine. Isn't that a bit weird? No wonder why her and Ethan get along more and relate a little bit better. Ethan really likes her and she is a very good aunt to him. Which I of course like and appreciate.
So what did they all think about my weight loss. I think my mom likes it a lot. She kept looking at me and laughing and saying how skinny I was. We laughed at my onesie. We laughed at my little boobs. She seems really happy about my current weight. I noticed her at one time looking at the side by side of me and her that charlyn made and she said, "Oh, I really like this picture." She also showed me the outfits she thought I would look good at and when I showed her my belly she said that it wasn't bad at all so I could wear more. She brougth me some tank tops that we too small for her now so I could wear them during the summer and she said she would take them back when she loses more weight. lol Carol told me she didn't want me to lose anymore weight and that she loved me just as much now as she did when I was heavy. What do you expect it's Carol. Always so sweet. My Dad said, "Oh you have lost a big of weight haven't you." Um yeah I would say so. That's all he said though. Caroline told me how she is working out too and in between sizes just like me too. Christina told me I looked good and was skinny. Katherine didn't say anthing! lol I think she has read my blog too much and was worried that whatever was said would end up on the blog! LMAO I know it's hard for Katherine to bite her tongue so I really appreciated the effort she made. But I do want her to know that it's okay to say stuff. I have a thick skin and I know her thoughts or jokes are coming from a good place. Dave and her did ask a couple questions or maybe it was just was Dave and mom but she was present when I answered them.
Soooo. that's my quick wrap up. It was a great trip. We did a lot in a little time. I hate that. I wish I had more time up there. I need to plan another trip where we spend a week up there and just pretend to be tourist again. In 3 weeks is our first Grayson girl camping trip. I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be a great time hanging out with my sisters and Dad. Oh, by the way Lynn was very nice too. That's the most time I've spent with her and she's actually kinda funny.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Zaxby
Yuck!! Just ordered a boneless wing basket. So gross. I wish I has ordered the chicken sandwich. This is my second time being grossed out by their food. Should I give up on it?
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Half glass full
There are moments in life that you are require to have a positive outlook but you still fail. And when you fail your imagine and worst nightmares run away from you. There's something wrong with Ethan. Exactly what we don't know and I'm not even sure I can explain it to anyone without actual verbal words. I'm going to give it a try.
2 weeks ago on April 17, Ethan called from school and said he had a fever and didn't feel well. I picked him up and brought him home. He had a temperature of 101.4 with no other symptoms. I gave him Tylenol and he went to bed for the rest of the day. The evening of April 17 he woke up around 11pm and came into our room. He was very upset. He said he had a dream and he didn't feel right. He was very calm and zoned out but very upset. He laid down in my bed and he just single tears coming from his eyes and a blank look on his face. I was rubbing his head when he asked me to slow down. He told me I was moving really fast. I told him I wasn't and laughed it off. He kept asking what was wrong with him and I assured him he was fine. He feel asleep in our bed. The next morning he stayed home again and woke up saying he was feeling like he did last night. I told him to lay down and he would feel better. He did. He went to school the next day no fever. The weirdness I shrugged off to half asleep and fever. It was just a dream I thought.
Fast forward to April 26. He came home from school and told me that it happened again. That feeling happened again during class. While he was awake and fever free. "What feeling," I asked him. The feeling that everything is moving faster and all the noise are louder. He said that he was finished with his FCAT and all the kids were sitting around waiting for the exam to end. He felt good about the exam results. He said there was a student tapping his pencil and it seemed like the student was tapping his pencil super fast and the sound of it was very loud. Everything was magnified and sound was increased. He had to put his hands over his ears and put his head down to make it stop. And it did.
I called the doctor that afternoon and set an appointment. I thought maybe it was anxiety or panic disorder. Even though he wasn't in a state of panic or anxiety when it occurred. We set an appointment for Wed.
Tuesday I picked Ethan up and brought him to my office like our everyday routine. He went back to do his homework. A simple crossword puzzle and was in good spirits. He came back into my office around 4pm and said he was happening. His personality had change. His face looked frightened. He laid on my couch and put the pillows over his head. I had my boss come in and look at him and we tried to get him to crack a smile. He wouldn't. I tried to ignore it and let the moment pass and I worked on my computer. After the episode he told me that my fingers typing seemed like it was going super fast and the striking sounds were super loud.
Wednesday, we had our appointment. They physically checked him and everything came back fine except for his eye exam. Suddenly his eye exam from last year went from 20/20 to 20/40. He couldn't see the most simplest lines. They requested blood work and ordered an EEG. His pediatrician told me it could be a handful of things. It could be nothing. Just a strange thing that never happens again. It could be a seizure. They asked me to check his pulse when it happens. That it could be a surge of adrenalin or racing heart. It could be left over symptoms from his virus but we would figure it out or we might never figure it out. Encouraging, huh? This is the part I don't want to type out. The moment I saw him fail his eye exam I thought about his brother. His half brother that has brain cancer. Whose cancer effect his eye sight. I spoke to the doctor out in the hallway and reminded them of Brycen. I told them when he was first diagnosed that they (Ethan's ped) told me Ethan was fine. It wasn't heredity and even if it was I think it's from his mother side not Matt's. But I couldn't ignore the fact that this is all in his brain and there could be a smallest tiniest chance.
I then took him straight to the hospital and did the blood work. We had lunch and came back to my office around 2:15pm. 3pm Ethan comes into my office and says that it's happening. He sat down on the couch and John check his pulse. 80. Which is normal. We can mark off racing heart. John walked out and Ethan asked if he could leave the room. He came back 4-5 minutes later and looked upset but said it was over. He said that when John walked in and out of the room the sound of his jeans rubbing together was super loud. A sound that I didn't even hear. He said he asked to leave my office because of all sounds in my office. I called the doctor's office and updated them on the latest episode and result of his pulse.
The doctor called me this morning and said again it could be left over from his virus but it could also be nervous system issue. She said it probably wasn't seizures or his recovery time wouldn't be so quick. She said that she would have the blood test result back this afternoon and would call me back with the results. We would also schedule an EEG sometime next week. I also scheduled an eye exam for him for Tuesday. I'm thinking now though that the failed eye test is a result of this issue.
I hope all of this makes sense. My head is telling me everything is alright. It's just a freaky thing and we will laugh and poke fun at it one day. My heart is a little scared. What's wrong with my baby? What if it's something serious? What if it's cancer? What if it's a tumor affect his head? What if it's seizures? What about epilepsy? I think a cousin of ours had that? See I can't stop the negative. I need to know what's wrong with my little boy.
2 weeks ago on April 17, Ethan called from school and said he had a fever and didn't feel well. I picked him up and brought him home. He had a temperature of 101.4 with no other symptoms. I gave him Tylenol and he went to bed for the rest of the day. The evening of April 17 he woke up around 11pm and came into our room. He was very upset. He said he had a dream and he didn't feel right. He was very calm and zoned out but very upset. He laid down in my bed and he just single tears coming from his eyes and a blank look on his face. I was rubbing his head when he asked me to slow down. He told me I was moving really fast. I told him I wasn't and laughed it off. He kept asking what was wrong with him and I assured him he was fine. He feel asleep in our bed. The next morning he stayed home again and woke up saying he was feeling like he did last night. I told him to lay down and he would feel better. He did. He went to school the next day no fever. The weirdness I shrugged off to half asleep and fever. It was just a dream I thought.
Fast forward to April 26. He came home from school and told me that it happened again. That feeling happened again during class. While he was awake and fever free. "What feeling," I asked him. The feeling that everything is moving faster and all the noise are louder. He said that he was finished with his FCAT and all the kids were sitting around waiting for the exam to end. He felt good about the exam results. He said there was a student tapping his pencil and it seemed like the student was tapping his pencil super fast and the sound of it was very loud. Everything was magnified and sound was increased. He had to put his hands over his ears and put his head down to make it stop. And it did.
I called the doctor that afternoon and set an appointment. I thought maybe it was anxiety or panic disorder. Even though he wasn't in a state of panic or anxiety when it occurred. We set an appointment for Wed.
Tuesday I picked Ethan up and brought him to my office like our everyday routine. He went back to do his homework. A simple crossword puzzle and was in good spirits. He came back into my office around 4pm and said he was happening. His personality had change. His face looked frightened. He laid on my couch and put the pillows over his head. I had my boss come in and look at him and we tried to get him to crack a smile. He wouldn't. I tried to ignore it and let the moment pass and I worked on my computer. After the episode he told me that my fingers typing seemed like it was going super fast and the striking sounds were super loud.
Wednesday, we had our appointment. They physically checked him and everything came back fine except for his eye exam. Suddenly his eye exam from last year went from 20/20 to 20/40. He couldn't see the most simplest lines. They requested blood work and ordered an EEG. His pediatrician told me it could be a handful of things. It could be nothing. Just a strange thing that never happens again. It could be a seizure. They asked me to check his pulse when it happens. That it could be a surge of adrenalin or racing heart. It could be left over symptoms from his virus but we would figure it out or we might never figure it out. Encouraging, huh? This is the part I don't want to type out. The moment I saw him fail his eye exam I thought about his brother. His half brother that has brain cancer. Whose cancer effect his eye sight. I spoke to the doctor out in the hallway and reminded them of Brycen. I told them when he was first diagnosed that they (Ethan's ped) told me Ethan was fine. It wasn't heredity and even if it was I think it's from his mother side not Matt's. But I couldn't ignore the fact that this is all in his brain and there could be a smallest tiniest chance.
I then took him straight to the hospital and did the blood work. We had lunch and came back to my office around 2:15pm. 3pm Ethan comes into my office and says that it's happening. He sat down on the couch and John check his pulse. 80. Which is normal. We can mark off racing heart. John walked out and Ethan asked if he could leave the room. He came back 4-5 minutes later and looked upset but said it was over. He said that when John walked in and out of the room the sound of his jeans rubbing together was super loud. A sound that I didn't even hear. He said he asked to leave my office because of all sounds in my office. I called the doctor's office and updated them on the latest episode and result of his pulse.
The doctor called me this morning and said again it could be left over from his virus but it could also be nervous system issue. She said it probably wasn't seizures or his recovery time wouldn't be so quick. She said that she would have the blood test result back this afternoon and would call me back with the results. We would also schedule an EEG sometime next week. I also scheduled an eye exam for him for Tuesday. I'm thinking now though that the failed eye test is a result of this issue.
I hope all of this makes sense. My head is telling me everything is alright. It's just a freaky thing and we will laugh and poke fun at it one day. My heart is a little scared. What's wrong with my baby? What if it's something serious? What if it's cancer? What if it's a tumor affect his head? What if it's seizures? What about epilepsy? I think a cousin of ours had that? See I can't stop the negative. I need to know what's wrong with my little boy.
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