I believe in God. I pray to Him. I teach my son His word. But the past 10 weeks are trying my faith. Nate's mom is dying. The doctors have said it and I am working on coming to terms with it. But I am fucking mad because I ask Him to stop. I asked him not for me but for my husband and for Linda and she is still dying. If he wasn't going to answer because of "His plan" then could He have atleast fucking blessed her with a grandchild? Is that so much to fucking ask for? So, my husband could have peace with it? So, she could have that joy? Why others? Why do you seem to grant others prayers but not ours? How am I suppose to keep bowing my head when it isn't working???? Or why should I? Why should I keep speaking of faith to Nate encouraging him to read your words??
I know I am going to go to hell for having these feelings but I am waiting here for any of this to make sense. I don't see it. I don't get it and I question my believe in faith. Because honestly it hurts too much to think that this life right now at this moment someone planned for me.
