I'm happy to say both projects are complete! I love a weekend where the deductions in your bank accounts are reflected around the home!
I'll start with my project first. Ethan's desk/wall unit. I woke up made a cup of coffee in my yeti cup and hit up Lowes for the original stain. Both boards from yesterday looked good to go but I needed to finish the desk piece. $12 for the can and I was back in business.
Well...I couldn't repeat my screw up from yesterday but I got it done. It doesn't look like the board I love so much but it was good enough and had enough poly to survive a teenage boy.
Hanging the 3 brackets were easy. Started off with the one of the left measured off from there. Nate & I worked together with leveling & toggle bolts. We drilled the holes & secured the top 2 shelves while the desk was drying.
Here's the finished product!
I'm so happy with it. I'm undecided between one more shelf midway on the right or a piece of art like this
To finish the project I have to paint a couple chips in his wall. Not from the project but from teenage boys wrestling in his room. Grrrr. Don't get me started. I also need to accessorize the shelves. I want to hang art work on the middle shelf to add layers and add a wire basket. Total desk cost was $200. More than I was expecting but I didn't include the cost of the bolts, screws, stain, spray paint (for the brackets). I do like it more than any desk I looked at for $200 so I'm okay with it. My main goal was to provide Ethan ample storage space and a quiet space for homework. His first week of high school already equated to 12 hours of homework so he's going to need this space. Check out that new computer too! Less than a $100 bucks because some friend gave it to Nate because it was "broken" and bought a replacement. My IT husband put in a new hard drive and something else and Ethan has a brand new all in one! Holla!!!
Nate's project. While I was staining and spray painting the boys worked on the shed base. They ended up with 12 cinder blocks and 4 heavy duty pallets. It created a nice base for the shed and no weak points. Through the rain (thank you Hurricane Erika) they worked and started moving lawn equipment into the shed.
Instead of bushes we've decided on a framed trellis and vines for the right so we don't have to stare at the cinder blocks.
Along with trellis to complete this project Nate has to run electricity down (easy peasy). Overall cost $320.
Now the boys are sorting through the messy garage & Lorelei & I are babysitting this gorgeous yard bird!!! Happy weekend friends!
Holla! I can post from my phone! Thanks to a last minute upgrade from our regular season tickets seats to the Terrace Suites including all you can eat food & drinks we were a little slow going this morning. Today's goals including moving the shed to its permanent location & building Ethan's desk and wall unit.
After I cooked a hearty breakfast Lorelei, Nate, & I headed to Lowes. Gosh I love that place! First we stopped by the patio department. Deep clearances going on for patio accesories. I grabbed 2 pillows & a ceramic planter for the back patio. $21 for all three!!!
I had my plans drawn out for the desk so we started with that. Dark stain, wood, brackets, & screws. Total bill was $221. I'll look at the receipt and calculate the exact project job later. I went home & started staining the top 2 shelves. We went with a stain that included a polyuathan in a walnut color. I hated it! The thing I like best about stain is its idiot proof unlike painting. This was a thick consistency and sticky. I painted one board & asked Nate to return it and pick up my old trusty. I stained both boards again and guess what? I liked the first one better! Check it out.
So, Nate is going to buy another can and I'm going to paint the other shelves like the original.
This is my inspiration picture & my drawing.
Meanwhile Nate & Ethan were working on relocating the shed. We were unsure how we were going to construct the frame. We decided to go with cinder blocks & pallets as the floor base. Due to the location of the shed & tidal waters we have to get it elevated. This is the current location.
We tried just blocks first but it doesn't provide the supported needed for the entire floor. We are going to use pressure treated pallets on top of the blocks. Along the side I'm going to transfer some of the underbrush to hide the lower side of the shed.
Side note: what are your thoughts on the fire pit? We thought we would move those rocks to the side of the house & out grass down instead. It's $450 worth of rocks so I don't want to waste it but I'm not sure if I love the gravel now. I love how green and large our backyard looks now. What do you think? Leave the gravel & add 4 adirondack chairs? Or switch it out for grass & 4 chairs?
4 more months until 2015 is over! Ahhhh! Where the hell did the year go? The #houseonthecreek is coming along great. In 2015 we added a patio and a beautiful table to the backyard. Perfect for enjoying dinners on the water. Finished sodding the back, side, and front yard. Oh my goodness does it look amazing! We added landscaping around the new patio. Painted my office and added a custom wooden wall. Painted Lorelei's room and moved her into a big girl bed.
My goals for 2015
Paint Inside of the house- thanks to a friend she referred a great company! And the price is right! Thank God my husband is anti painting too because he agreed to hire them to paint the entire house!!! The house gets painted on Monday. They said it should take 2 days. Price was $690 for labor and we are paying cost for paint! Cost!!! That saved us $300 alone.
Fix trim around the outside of the garage
Paint 3 bathroom cabinets.
Add a shelf in between master bathroom cabinet for towel storage
Add Shed to backyard- move yard equipment to 8x7 Rubbermaid shed. Yesterday Nate went to buy a new shed from Lowes. Price...$799. He checked Craigslist one last time and found the exact shed 4 months old for $300....SCORE! We picked it up yesterday!
Paint Garage Walls...What's your thoughts on this. when I googled it I don't like what I see. It think it makes the space look dark. Our walls are already painted white. I might just keep them white.
Reorganize garage- since adding the 4 kayaks and weight bench our 2 car garage is feeling smaller than the hall closet.
Create Desk for Ethan's new all in one computer & create a homework space for him.
Chop down the big bush taking over front flowerbed
Move stones from around fire pit to side of the house and sod around fire pit (last pallet of sod!!!)
Building a kayak rack by side of the house for 2 of 4 kayaks.
Print our family pictures from the marina on canvas.
This is the paint color for our master.
Goals for 2016
Landscape front 2 beds
Building 4 trellis and add vines to grow up along fence line
Paint and add cabinets in laundry room, change light
Paint both kids dressers
Outdoor shower next to kayak rack
Front door scroll décor
Change art work in dining room
Build 4 trellis for along backyard neighbor's fence. This is a picture of the ones added to the front of the neighborhood and my sister also has some smaller ones in her backyard. I love the color and softness it adds to a boring fence.
Inspiration pics
Lorelei & Ethan's Dressers
Paint vanity in both kid's bathrooms. Coral for Lorelei & Gray in Ethan's bathroom.
Add shelves like below in between our dual sinks for towel storage & then paint the vanity.
Since I haven't posted at all in 2015 I thought I would clear up some loose ends and some previous post.
The B Family drama- Hey it is what it is. Not all families can be perfect and in our big family with big personalities we will have conflict. What I love the most about our family and the issue that happened last summer is that Diane, Howie, Nate, and I addressed it. We squashed it within a week. The other thing I like about it is we still talk about it. We can bring it up and move forward. I've been a little sensitive to people backbiting lately and I think it stems from last summer. I will be the first to admit I'm the Queen of Gossip but I stand by the fact that what I say behind your back I will say to your face. I don't like the feeling that the backbiting I hear in my presence happens in my absence too but about me. 2 weeks ago at the Jaguar game I called a couple ladies out on it. Especially about the person they were talking about. Don't do it. It's not cool unless you are willing to have the same conversation face to face. Overall it all good. We've made a very conscious effort to be more present. To attend as many family/friends events as we can. I had a girls night at my house for my sister in laws and nieces and pampered them with a makeup artist just to tell them I loved them. Nate is participating more in golf and other events. Ethan spent a lot of time with Jackson this summer. Sometimes being present matters to other people when you think it doesn't.
Alcohol- Hey it is what it is. lol I'm a light weight that likes craft beer. It doesn't mix and it never will. I don't have a stop button when it's time to have a good time. This summer I did drink less. Not on purpose but it just happened. What I have learned to do when I know there is a full day of drinking ahead like the Country Superfest Concert or 4th of July at the Lake House is to drink crystal light with wine until the sun goes down. It keeps me hydrated and keeps me from getting drunk but makes me feel like I'm participating with everybody else. Once the sun goes down I can switch to liquor or beer if I feel the desire. It worked out perfectly! It avoided a drunk Sabrina but provided a fun time. I haven't been drinking as much craft beer either because of the calories packed in it which has helped. We also didn't go up to Snookers very much this summer because we've had a family packed summer. So the conclusion is I'm not an alcoholic but I am a lightweight without a stop button. To keep my dignity and standards in place I need moderation or a game plan. My stomach and absorption isn't like everybody else's and I have to be mindful of that.
Money- So much better!!!! As many of you my husband took a position with another hospital in November which put us in a better position. I also left my job after 11 years and took a position with a company I'm very very happy with. Making those changes along with working hard this winter to pay off new house credit card debts helped out tremendously. We went from 6 credit cards to 2. And only 1 has a balance. It feels so freeing to have control of our money again. To be able to start putting money back into the house and continue to make it a home. I would like a cushioned savings account but we are working on this one step at a time.
Boobs and Belly- I hit my 1 year anniversary in May and I still love them! I'm still kinda of surprised that I haven't bought any deep neck V shirts and I find myself admiring women's breast at a concert thinking, "Man I love her boobs." Nate reminds me I have her boobs I just have to show them! lol I guess I've outgrown that or feel too self conscious to do it. I wore a V-neck t-shirt one night to Snookers and people freaked out! I guess I've been keeping these girls in hiding! I think there are two things holding me back. 1.) My son. I don't want him to be embarrassed about his mom's boobs. This past spring when I walked into his classroom a boy said, "Man Ethan your mom is hot." I was wearing a crew neck shirt. (That means up to the neck Char!) Ethan was a embarrassed and the class laughed but he took it like a champ. It's weird that I'm more worried about embarrassing him now than I was when I was fat. 2.) I don't want people to think I think I'm all that. I think that if I dress normal and I get attention I don't look like an attention whore. If I wear a shirt that screams "LOOK AT MY BOOBS!" it makes me look like I'm over trying and an attention whore. Make sense? Ok, I need to buy just 1 v neck shirt and wear it at the appropriate time. Shit my husband didn't pay this money to not show them off. lol
Weight- I'm holding strong at 168-170. Scared to death because before I had my cosmetic surgery I was 150. What if I get fat again? I look back at the 150 pictures and I'll tell you I don't really like them. I think I look too thin especially around my neck. Those bones made me look ill. It still scares me to see the numbers even thought I'm still a size 8. The only thing I really want to do and need to stop talking about it is be more consistent with running and lifting weights again. I'm signing up for 3 half marathons this fall to help push me forward. I want to be a better runner. It has nothing to do with a weight issue as it does a personal goal and fitness issue. I have a big long story to share about the Tijuana Flats summer run that I will blog about next week. More to come.
I think that covers up most of 2014 unanswered blog topics. What's coming up for the rest of 2015? Pushing myself hard at work. I want success and need to work harder for it. Stop filling our calendar. We had a crazy, fun, and busy summer. My goal for the fall of 2015 is to stop planning stuff. So far I'm failing but I am trying. House stuff. We didn't do anything #houseonthecreek wise this past winter & spring and I'm looking forward to getting some last minute projects going. Blog post to come on that! Fitness of course. Communication- create a time for communicating with my 3 parents on a regular basis.
Ahhhh....it feels so good to be back and clean out what's Inside Bre's Head!
o·pen let·ter
noun
noun: open letter; plural noun: open letters
a letter, often critical, addressed to a particular person or group of people but intended for publication.
As I drove through the middle of the night with my family asleep a song came on and I thought about you. Actually a hit list of songs came on. The songs were the soundtrack to my past. The perfect songs to play while I had 8 hours of pure quiet. Just me and the road.
The first song was Satellite from Dave Matthews Band. Do you remember that song? Do you remember the day we played it on repeat over and over again in our $585 per month rent apartment. From the disc changer on top of our brand new giant financed headboard? Before Ethan. Before Chris. Before Tracy. Before our ending became our only story. The song made me feel good. I felt good about you. About our brief moment in time of happiness. And then I felt sadness because I struggle with the truth of it all. The truth is I was unfair to you from the moment we met. Before I met you I was in love with another man. When I met you I was in love with another man. When I married you I was in love with another man. At 19 years old I cheated you out of your first marriage. I struggled with wondering if I ever loved you. I know I never loved you as much as I loved Chris. I know I never loved Chris as much I love Nate. But could it have all been fake? Could the feelings this song bring to surface not have been real? Did I really ever love you? And if I didn't that means all of this was all my fault. I never once felt regret for sleeping with Chris. And I still don't. I loved him. It should have been him and not you. You should have been the boy you were when I meant you. Young, fun, carefree. Did I steer you down a wrong path or was there real love? I still don't know the answer to that. Did I ever love you? I don't know. I want to say yes. I want to believe I couldn't have married someone without love.
I hit repeat on the song. 4 times. I thought about the silly moments. The smiles. The laughter. The success we found at an early age. My son. There had to be love there. There still is. For the Matt I remember that use to smile a genuine smile. The helpful man that grilled for us. You were the son your father could be proud of. As a mom now I can see it in Jim's face. He was proud of you back then and you were deserving of that pride. And I felt peace in that realization. We did well together when we were honest with each other. We were both good to our son but eventually horrible to each other. Therew was love just not enough of it.
Evanescense- My Immortal. I started to cry. The pain was real. And if the pain was real then the love was real. I remember sitting in the sunlight of the sliding glass door staring into this house that had our furniture but no pictures on the wall. A couple boxes still unpacked and I was alone. And the pain I felt sitting alone in the home we bought with our son was real. I've never felt so alone in my life. You have no idea how that felt. You went from our house to a new house. From one life to another life. And as the song played the pain was unbearable. You hurt me. You shamed me. You lied and lied and lied to me. From that moment you acted like none of it matter anymore. That I didn't matter to you. That our marriage didn't matter. And you made it all my fault. I was fat, I was a cheater, she was better than me. You left me with the shell of a life we created and with all the pressure. 23 years old with the weight of the world thrown on her while you left to go party and drink with your new friends. In the beginning I fought for you. I fought for our marriage. I begged you. And the person I once knew. That young boy was gone. And in your eyes I saw nothing except a monster. "You use to captivate me by your resonating light. Now I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice chased away all the sanity in me."
And then the worst part was you used my son. You used him to hurt me over and over again. You called me and made me listen to Ethan call Tracy mom. You called me a bad mother. You stole him from me. You hid him from me. You did everything you could to tear me down by using the one thing you knew you could. My baby. How could you use the one good thing we did together as a tool to hurt me? How could I ever forgive you for that? For almost 3 years I lived a hell that nobody deserves. And I hated you for that. I hated you more than I've ever hated anybody in my entire life. But from that hate and pain came a strength I didn't know I had. It made me a better mom. It made me a better wife. It made me more independent person.
The next song that came on was Nick Lachey "I can't hate you anymore". And I laughed. Such a swirl of emotions in 4 minutes. Peace is a relieving feeling. I don't hate you anymore. I have zero hatred for you. I feel nothing but sadness for you. The sad lonely life you must have been living the past 11 years must be unbearable. How could I hate you? You gave me the one thing I was too weak to get on my own. My freedom. I was miserable. I was in a loveless marriage. I was 900 miles from home. I would have never left. The horrible fights. The horrible words. The violence. I would have stayed. Catching you cheating was the best thing that could have happened. I just wish we both would have handled it differently. You never caught me cheating on you. I know you told people you did but we both know that's a lie. I told you. I couldn't stand the lie anymore. I did it once. And it didn't feel wrong and I still spoke to Chris everyday and I needed you to know the truth. I saw the hurt in your eyes. I heard the hurt when you called him and screamed at him. I wish the truth I gave you months before you could have provided me months later. But to this day you don't feel like I or we were worthy of being told the truth. I think you've told so many lies you don't know the truth anymore. My only regret from our marriage is the way I handled the fall. I let myself get sucked into this nasty fight. It was disgusting and I thank God that my husband didn't run for the hills. God knows he should have.
"Stupid Boy" by Keith Urban. You stupid stupid boy. 2 women. 2 women that loved you enough to have children with you. 2 homes. 4 life's. "You stupid boy. You will always be the same ole same ole stupid boy." The dramatic person in me thinks you will never find that peace you should have until you have settled all your past debts. To be honest with each one of your ex-wives and your sons. To throw yourself on the cross and ask for forgiveness. As long as you are puking out the same lies and bullshit you will never have the life one would think you desire. Don't you want more? I want more for you. I pray that the one day my baby boy decided he wants to see you that he finds a family man with a straight life. That it's not the same ole stupid boy, a little older, a litter heavy, and even more filled with sadness from 2004. I want my son to see something he can be proud of. I really thought when you left FL you were going to do that. It's what I said to you on the phone when you told me you left. This was your chance for a do over. I don't care that you left me or Tracy but one day you will have to answer to these boys. If you think they are going to believe some bullshit about the 2 women who have raised them you are delusional my friend. Do something with your life. Stop being that same ole stupid boy.
I don't remember what songs played next. I think it was a Reba song and I sang my heart out. I've always loved music and the power of the carefully written words. How one song can time warp you into another time. It was amazing to me that moment that God took to open my heart and eyes on that quiet ride. I never have hours of quiet with just my thoughts and he took full advantage to bring me clarity on you. On the highway of I-10 westbound I sorted it all out. I sorted out my feelings and my fear of you reading my blog. And the power this blog allowed me knowing you would read it. I could say it all. I could say everything I wanted to and you can't interrupt me. It made me feel powerful. I had peace in knowing I was going to open my blog back up and write you an open letter. My resolution was I was going to let go of my fear. I was going to clear my head and say what I had to say. I'm going to continue to be the best woman I know how to be.
I'm sorry for my faults Matt. I'm sorry for my mistakes in our marriage. I'm sorry for the years following them. I'm sorry you haven't found your happy ending yet but I have. I will continue to hope and pray that one day you find yours sooner than later.
I'm back!!! After a few months of hiding out I'm back and letting it all hang out! Recently my family and I went to Texas to visit my sister and her twins. Around 2am and 3 hours into my drive I started thinking about this blog and why I shut it down. I shut it down because somehow my ex-husband found it and started quoting it to me. I felt violated and I didn't want to it to be seen. I regret that decision and I've decided to stop hiding. So guess what. This is me. This is my wonderful life. It's perfectly imperfect. I have an amazing partner after 11+ years. A perfect young man as my son. A crazy loveable daughter. A #houseonthecreek And a life I wouldn't change for the world. Read it. Digest it. Repeat it. It's untouchable. Our life here is untouchable.
So I'm back and I'm here to stay. I have so much to update on my life, my weight journey, my career, my children, and our home. Stay tuned!
