I've been back home for just a little over 24 hours. I'm sick with walking pneumonia and my mind still racing from the last 2 weeks. By this time most are over this vacation and have deemed it the worst vacation ever. Man what an awful statement. My poor mother. My poor sisters. I'm faced with the choice to ignore the emotions that went on or blog about it and possibly re-upsetting people. I've decided because of my need to be authentic that I can't ignore the feelings and must follow my method of therapy by getting it out.
So lets go! I'm going to start with the adventure of Debra's Crazy Express. Even though this is the last thing that happened chronologically I am choosing to discuss it now and not let it effect my recap of the trip.
Disclaimer: Please remember that these are the my feelings and if you don't like it click on the X in the upper right hand corner.
So recap about Debra and I...Katherine tried to say that I'm Debra's boogie man. Bullshit. Up until the last few years I wasn't Debra's anything. Debra and I were closest from 2001 to 2007. She was there the night I gave birth to my son. She was the one I called when my son was injured and I told nobody else. We helped each other out a lot those 6 years. It wasn't until Dad, Mom, and Katherine pulled me into the Willie situation that things turned bad between Debra and I. Remember that bus they pushed me under? After the birth of Lorelei I invited Debra to our home and we were able to talk and she understood my intent was from a place of concern for her kids and that it wasn't even my idea! Then when Debra and I saw each other for the first time in 3 years at the camping trip we got out of the car and hugged each other and cried. We were very close up until she moved out of my house. So am I Debra's boogie man? No. Let's be honest Debra spent 32 years of her life having an on again off again feud with Katherine not me. The reason Debra doesn't surprise me is because I was close to her and I've seen her work her sick magic. I've seen her in Willie's face causing a fight and crying to the police. I've heard her laughing this twisted laugh and then turn on the tears for her games. Like I said in my blog many years ago. Debra is who she is. She would never stab you in the back. She will walk right up and stab you in your heart and then smirk. I know this about her and because of that what she doesn't shock me anymore. I expect it from her.
So Debra created a tornado of emotion for her own personal agenda. Most of the anger and issues were direct at me. I would say 75% me and 25% Charlyn. The problem is I cared about 15% and Charlyn cared about 85%. Making Charlyn the unintended victim of the game. I think the reason Charlyn was so effected by the drama is because she's been so far removed from any of it before. She had heard of Debra's games before but had never seen her at work before. This trip, on the last night of vacation she got to see it with her very own eyes. She's also a mother now. So, I think because Debra used her daughter in her game it really bothered Charlyn.
We all know by now that Debra made up most of that night and Christina jumped on the Debra Crazy Express but it doesn't make a portion of their feelings invalid. Their disappointment was a valid feeling even though it wad misdirected. I stand by what I told them, if their feelings were hurt by not having pictures on the wall then I am sorry. These are my sisters. I would never intentionally hurt their feelings. I would never travel thousands of miles with a stack of pictures with the intent to hurt two of my sister's feelings. I'm not made like that. I'm also not unsympathetic of their disappointment. I heard them that night. Even if I would not accept the blame for their lack of responsibility I could still understand their disappointment.
I'm not 100% emotionless about the situation but the items that bothered me really don't have to do with Debra. Like I said, I know her. I've seen her engaged at her sick games before. I have very low expectations with her and this is the exact reason why when my sister said Debra was coming I no longer wanted to attend. I'm also use to being the target. Charlyn is the good sister and gets a pass usually. I'm the bad sister. I typically get the blame for most things. And hey as far as I know it's probably warranted but its my reason for not being bothered by it.
So jabber jaw, what did bother you about that night?
1.) The lack of emotion and compassion about my mother from Debra and Christina. This is quite simple. You alone are accountable for your reactions and actions. Our mother paid a lot of money to get her daughters to the Philippines. She also spent a lot of time. She also exhausted a lot of her own mental emotion from her own personal issues. Debra and Christine absolutely did not care about any of this. They had a choice to end this trip on a positive note for my mother's sake or to end it on a negative note for their own sake and they choose the latter. Even once it was out and my mother knew there was drama brewing they had a choice to squash it for my mother's sake and neither one of them choose that path.
2.) Christina's willingness to hop on the Debra Crazy Express. I can make excuses for her but as she made clear over the week she's an adult now. 25 years old and has a fulltime job. She's not naive to Debra's craziness. Out of all of us Christina and Christopher grew up with her. She made a choice to team up with Debra against me and Charlyn. She spent over 24 hours talking shit about me to cousins I had just met. Her disrespectful tone of voice towards us when we tried to explain to her that printing pictures were her responsibility not ours. Katherine made an excuse that it was because Christina doesn't know us. I call bullshit again. Christina might not know us like Charlyn and I or her and Kat but she does have history with us. She has spent vacations with us. She's spent time with us. She spent weekends on my apartment floor while my mom spent weekends at bingo. I took her school clothes shopping when my mom didn't want to spend the money on it. She's been involved in other family event with us. Weekends where with the help of Katherine I've traveled 9 hours to spend time with my sisters and brother. She knew my heart enough to borrow money from me. She knew Charlyn's heart enough to take a free car from her. We supported her when she decided not to move to MD. We supported the choices she made and Charlyn and I also helped facilitate her moving into Carol's home. Texting and encouraging her into the move and applying at Geico. So for Kat to say she doesn't know us is a bullshit excuse. Christina more than anybody could have shut most of this down. She could have disagreed with Debra. She could have chosen to not engage in conversations about me. She could have spoken to us with respect. She could have warned Charlyn and I almost 24 hours before. She could have tried to changed the course of the Debra Crazy Express. Christina's choice speaks louder to me than Debra's actions. Christina's disrespectful tone speaks volume to me. We are her older sisters and deserve her respect. Our mother who paid for almost 90% of her trip deserved her respect. This 25 year grownup really showed her maturity level and character to me. I would take Caroline's fake life to Christina's disrespect any day. And a part of me...large part of me wishes Charlyn would have taken her chance and told Christina off at the airport! Even though the grownup side of me knows that nothing good would have come from it. Charlyn would have been more upset and Christina would have argued and been rude to her.
And that is that! I'm officially jumping off the Debra Crazy Express and leaving it on the tracks!
No comments:
Post a Comment