Happily Ever After....at times.

I warned you there was a brain dump coming up. I hold a lot in. I have a lot on my mind and plate on most days. When the "stuff" in my brain becomes more negative than routine I have to get it out or I will fucking explode!

Disclaimer: I'm not getting a divorce. I'm happily married most of the time. These are just my thoughts. 

I'm going to be 100% honest at this very moment I don't know how I feel about my marriage.  I hope this is a normal feeling. What I'm most concerned about is this is a feeling I've been having more and more and expressed to my husband and nothing has changed.

I understand that the people I've know who have been married for 30 years said there are ebbs and flows of a relationship. I get that. I get that there are going to be down times. What I'm concerned about is that down times and feelings for me are all the same things.  What that shows me is A.) these feelings aren't going away B.) He doesn't care enough to change them 

I also know that I'm not the girl that just sticks. I want happiness. I want equality. I want a partner in life. I want passion. I want understanding. I want support. I want the truth. I want communication. I want my partner to push me to be a better person. I want movement and growth.  I know I'm a tough girl but sometimes I would like him to be more tough than me.

If I've rolled my eyes more than I've laughed in the last month...isn't that a bad sign. Or just part of the ebbs and flows of marriag.