Do you know that as many text or messages I get about my weight loss I get as many about my marriage and relationship with Nate?
"Please tell me that I will find someone that loves me as much as Nate loves you. I see the way he looks at you across the room and I want that."
"I love seeing your FB posts. You guys are a perfect example of 2nd chances. You are friends, companions, parents, and lovers. I know it's not always perfect but you work through it and make it look easy. Don't ever change. I hope you have a great day!"
"You guys make me believe that there is a chance for me to be in a happy marriage." (This one came from a man!)
It makes us tear up. We know how very lucky we are. Well I take that back it wasn't lucky. We've worked our butts off and have broken each others hearts several times to get here. We've even uttered the "D" word in the first 2 years of our marriage. There were moments when I wondered if we could make it. When the thoughts of life without him would over power my anger I knew I had to find him and be in his arms.
Sometimes I wonder if we are still to new to give tips on a happy relationship. After all we've only been married for 5 years BUT we've been together for 9 years this April. And if you could have been a fly on the wall in our home you would know we've been through it. We've been through crazy exes, insecurity, weight issues, money issues, debt, chemical dependency, physical and verbal violence, lose of love ones, crazy family drama, and we are still here. And we love each other more than we did 9 years ago. In spite of it all.
So my tips on love and relationships.
- Don't look for the perfect guy. He doesn't exist and your not perfect either. However know your boundaries. If you can deal with reminding him to take out the trash or feeling like the mom but at the end of the day he respects you and treats you with respect then aren't you better off with him?
- Make a commitment to commit. You are there to stay. Arguments no matter how big don't equal divorce. You are two separate people and it's okay to disagree. And you don't have to solve the issue at the end of the day again it's okay to disagree and respect each others point of views.
- It's okay to argue in front of your kids. Respectfully. As much as your children need to see you guys kissing and loving on each other they need to see you disagree. They need to see that it's okay for you both to have an opinion and to see one or both of you apologize to one another. You are ultimately teaching your children the kind of love they should be expecting or looking for.
- Say your sorry. If you are sorry then say it. It's amazing how quickly someone's anger goes away once you say those words.
- Say I love you. Show affection. As much as we think men don't want to be hugged or loved they do.
- Feed their egos. Your man needs to hear just as much as your do that he's hot. That you want him. But expect the same. A woman needs to know that she's on her man's mind.
- Have SEX!! Marriage is nothing without sex. Don't go weeks without it. If you can't remember the last time you and your partner had sex you better do it tonight! And keep it fun. Blow his mind every now and again. Your partner's had a bad day. Hook the man up with some booty as soon as he walks in the door! Send him a naughty picture one day. Keep it hot ladies!!!
- Put your marriage before your children. Yes you heard me right. I've been Ethan's Momma for 11.5 years but I'm Nate's wife first. And in the next 10-15 years our children will be gone and we will be left with just the two of us. If you are just mom and dad how awkward do you think the house will be when the children are gone? When we hug each other and our kid's try to push their way into it I remind them that I'm Daddy's wife or he's my husband. We take our weekends away together to refocus on us. To strength our marriage. We take days off together just to be able to have sex all morning or lay in bed with one another. We make sure to take date nights and not just plan family nights. Without a strong foundation our home is nothing.
- Don't let the world know. I bet from my list of things we went through up there you are wondering when the hell did this happen? There's a reason why you don't know. We confide in a handful of people but I don't put our problems on blast for the world and my entire family and friends to know. The reason isn't to protect a perfect life picture but to protect my husband or him me. To not allow people to judge us or our marriage based on private mistakes. If I put on here the things that happened in 2009 and before someone of you wouldn't like either one of us.
- Talk about it at home. So you went out with Nate and I the other night. Do you know I wanted to kill him or we were annoyed & arguing with each other right before you walked in the door? Probably not. We both believe that our issues are to be dealt with at home. I don't want to be the bickering couple out with our friends or get in an argument with my husband in front of our friends. The funny thing is by the time the night has ended because the plan was to deal with it later we both realized we were being bull headed and we hug and kiss and say sorry before we ever get back home to finish the fight.
Be partners. Treat each others as equals. Your status in this marriage is not anymore less or more important.- Respect. Be respectful of one another.
- Try to make them happy. Nate thinks of me before himself 100% of the time. He is always thinking of things to buy for me. I'm always thinking of things to do for him. Plan nights out that he will enjoy or surprise him with a night at his favorite place. If you are both working to make each other happy can you see how easy it is to just be happy.
- Talk! Nate and I talk to each other about everything. There are no secrets between us. I tell him every single thing I do or I'm thinking. The good and the bad. He is my ultimate best friend.
- Allow time apart. Guys night out. Girls night out. Out together but you let him hang with the guys while you gossip with the girls. You give each other hugs and kisses throughout the night but you are independent people.
- Value & protect your marriage. Hold it dear to your heart and protect it. Don't let people, men, girlfriends, family penetrate it. It's so easy to get a divorce these days but so much easier to just protect what you have and work at it.
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