I don't know what has happened to me the last few days but it's like Sybil in my head. I've almost all but convinced myself to quit softball. I just don't know if I can do it or if I'm up for doing it. The late games sound exhausting to me. The hour drive to and from the field. Tonight's game is at 10pm and I won't get home until after midnight. Seriously, I go to bed around 9:30pm :( It's every Friday for the next 2 months. I look so forward to Friday evenings and now they are taken. Nate keeps telling me not to quit. That he won't allow me. I just don't know if I want to do it or if I can do it. I'm sure psychologically it's mostly because I'm scared I'm not good enough and if that is my legitimate reason I must push on. I must set a good example for my son and Nate.
And now with running every morning this week I have dreaded it. I've prayed for Chrissy to sleep in or rain. None of which ever happens. During the run inside my head is awful. I can't do this. This hurts. I can't make it. Let's just stop. It wasn't like this last week or the weeks before that. I want to adjust the timer and knock a couple minutes off of it. I want to stop running and just walk the rest of the way.
I don't know what is happening. I don't know what switch went off. As I was pushing myself this morning I kept reminding myself that I'm less than a handful away from under 200 for the first time in 12 years. PUSH Sabrina! But it's still mostly negative stuff. How do I change the crazy negativity inside my head?
Help me! Has this ever happen to you? How have you fixed it? How do you stop the negativity monster? I don't want to quit. I know that I will feel like shit if I quit. I hate feeling like this. I've been so down the last couple days when I have so much to be happy about. :-\
Nate update: He got up and worked out this morning and used his calorie counter yesterday. Way to go hot stuff. I'm very proud of you.
2 comments:
Find something to run for, another race, one with a medal, one with costumes, one wtih a cause you believe in, etc. I know you mentioned signing up for one, how far away is it? There should be 5k, 8k, 10k like every weekend at different places. Sign up for them. Run with Ethan and your friends.
Try finding another route to run. When I was preparing for the long walk, I tried to make all my weekend walks fun. It was easier to walk 14 miles, to spend 4 to 6 hours walking when part of my view was the cherry blossoms and national monuments.
The softball, give it two games, see how you feel then. If it is the fear, two games should show you that you are much better than you might think. If you still feel like it is not worth it because of the amount of time it takes away from other things, at least you know you gave it a valid try.
You are doing amazing. Remember to give yourself credit for each little thing. Each thing you've done is one thing you weren't able to do last year!
Thanks for the tips! We have another race on Oct 28th that is a costume event. We were actually planning our costumes during our run this morning. We are all going to be superheros.
Thanks for the encouragement. I need to get out of this funk and out of my head! How do you evict yourself from you own head???? lol
Post a Comment