Self Image

This is me and E-Diddy before our 5K this weekend.  Weight around 204?  I know most people would look at this and say you look great girl. & all those other positive comments people leave on Facebook and you would think I would have a huge head by now but I don't. What I see when I look at this picture is that inter tube sitting around my waist.  It's seriously all I can look at.  I know my sister is going to kill me about this post because she gave me shit about it this weekend when I pointed it out via text and reminded me of all the good things I've been able to do since June.  Don't get me wrong. I understand I wouldn't be playing softball or running every morning if you added on 80+ pounds.  But in my head all I can see is the fat around my stomach.  My face, my shoulders all look slender my that gut sticks out in my eye. I don't even see Ethan when I look at this picture.

Before surgery the psychologist told me I had a healthy self image. I looked in the mirror and I didn't see a almost 300 pound girl. It wasn't until I saw facebook post of me and was disgusted or shocked. I would immediately untag myself. I hate unapproved FB pics. lol  She said that when I started to lose weight I would see the same thing. I would see FB pics and be amazed at the thinner image I see.  Sometimes I do.  The first group picture posted that day I was shocked about how thin my upper body looked.  I know this is in my head. Well kind of. The spare tire is there but allowing myself to feel proud of this body that I'm working my ass off for is a challenge.  I think time will help ease these negative thoughts in my head.  Nate hugged me last night and told me how skinny I was and I immediately replied, "All but this" as I grabbed my belly.  He reminded me what I don't work off he will get taken off. Not to worry and just to enjoy this.  That's what I need to work on right now. Actually feeling as confident as I must look on FB.  Hopefully this before and after today will help push me forward with enjoying and celebrating my new body. I celebrate the numbers but I need to celebrate the girl I see in these pictures too.