This is not easy. I would be a liar if I said I love eating my egg muffin instead of this beauty every morning. Almost every single morning I would stop and get a chicken biscuit with a side of hash browns and a diet Dr. Pepper. You know because that wouldn't make it so bad. 700 Calories and 35gs of Fat and it wasn't even 8 o'clock yet.
While looking at the picture I can just taste it. I know how pathetic I must sound but we I built a relationship with food. I loved a good plate full of Tostados from Tijuana Flats. OMG with the sweet sauce it's so good. Countless numbers of lunches with Yaritza and John going to TJ sometimes 3 times a week. Chips with queso and more sweet sauce of course. A dab of sour cream, dab of salsa, and a dab or heap of sweet sauce and these things were Heaven. A little nacho party in your mouth! I did make it power lite (low fat cheese and sour cream) because that wouldn't make it so bad. 975 Calories not including the gobs of queso I dipped the chips appetizer into and the sweet sauce.
Dinner time wouldn't be so bad IF I was cooking at home and I cook at home 80% of the time. The biggest chunk of not cooking is on the weekend. Let's pretend it's a Friday night. No cook Fridays= Pizza or Chinese food! Panda Express it is! Orange chicken with Kung Poa Chicken, fried rice and 1 and 1/2 chicken egg rolls. 1490 calories and 69 grams of fat! Oh, and duck sauce. Lots of duck sauce.
For my Friday my grand total if I did not eat an entire bag of Doritos with cheese dip when I got home (which my husband has had the pleausure of watching me do) is 3,165 calories and approx 139 grams and fat. In one day! A normal person should eat 1,600 calories a day and 53 grams of fat.
This post was to be about how much I miss all of this beautiful food but really it's ended up disgusting me. It was going to have beautiful pictures of the food and be an I miss you letter to them. I'm disgusted about my old eating habits. I had no clue. Really I didn't. No exercise and shoveling food into my mouth. No wonder why I tipped the scale at 282.2 pounds. 17 pounds away from 300 pounds. What was I doing to myself? I got my before pictures ready for you guys yesterday and I felt like I was going to throw up. I had no idea how much better I look right now but what I looked like on June 3 at only 266.6 was awful. I didn't see it!!! I knew I was fat but I didn't see what I took a picture of that day. I'm so glad that I've been a hypocrite to my kids about eating and they are healthy eaters because I was giving them an awful example for so long. I'm even more happy that I realized this before I turned Lorelei into a fattie for life. I hope she can learn from her Momma and live a healthier lifestyle.
So, what do I eat now? I'll give you my menu from yesterday.
I started off with a 45 minute run/walk. Sweat pouring from my face and hair. Shit, I even took of my shirt halfway through because no one is awake at 5:30 in the morning to judge. The distance is a little under 3 miles now. I get home and drink a bottle of water while getting ready for work. On the way into the office I drink 2 oz of Intek Protein Shake. It provides me with 160 calories, 1 gram of fat, and most importantly34 grams of protein. When I arrive at work I work up if it's been at least 30 mins since I've finished my protein drink I warm up an egg muffin. This week's egg muffin is egg, low fat cheese, red bell pepper, and zucchini. I can eat one and feel full and that provides me with142 calories, 10 grams of fat, and 10.7 grams of protein. I drink water all day long. Mostly with a crystal light package in it. Caroline came over for lunch yesterday. She brought Tijuana Flats! Don't worry. :) She brings 2 soft chicken tacos with black olives, shredded lettuce, tomato, and cheese. I dump out the contents of the tacos and eat only the inside with a tab of sweet chili sauce on it. According to TJ's website that's 233 calories for 2. So I get about 115 of that. She gives me 4 chips and I dip it. Yesterday I finished 3 of the 4 chips. Lets say 50 calories for those bad boys. I still feel like I'm getting to enjoy normal life eating without the 975 calorie lunch I was before. I love Taco Tuesdays! After lunch more water! And a snack. I had about 7 almonds. Remember the ones we fought over Charlyn? I ate 7 of them and not the whole can! Again I get to feel like I am eating what I like but not overdoing it. Dinner last night was leftovers. I had the insides to a stuff bell pepper. Made with lean ground turkey, black beans, zucchini, and low fat cheese. Topped with mango salsa. I don't know what the calorie count of those are but most importantly it is protein packed! The meat, the beans, and the cheese so very good for my protein requirements! If I valued that at 300 calories, which I doubt, that puts my calorie count at 717 per day. Compared to 3,165 from May. Now my calorie count is low. Eventually I need to eat up to 1400 calories a day and I will get there by my 1 year anniversary but for now protein is most important. I need to aim for 50-70 grams a day to stay healthy. I need to add an afternoon shake in and I will be perfect there. I also take vitamins. B12, Iron, Calcium, and a Multi Vitamin. When I don't I can feel my lack of energy.
7 years ago I met with a doctor who looked at me and told me I was killing myself. I started to cry and I got into the car and thought what an asshole. I'm almost 90% positive I had a whopper with large onions rings with a diet coke for dinner that night. But he was right. I was killing myself. Every single bite I took was not for the benefit of my health or desire to watch my family grow up it was to satisfy this relationship I had with food. I loved it. I needed it. Big celebration? Food. Bad day? Food. Crying? Food. Movie theater. popcorn dipped in cheese dip. Oh, yes with a Diet Coke. As much as I love my little family and I want to spend every moment that God will gift me with them, I was taking away from that. statistics say that I will live a longer life now. I will get to see my Grandchildren. Maybe Great Grandchildren. I will get to hold my husband's hand longer. I will get to enjoy this life that I love so much and I respect so much more now. So, I don't miss you. I always think I do but when I actually stop to think about the relationship I had with you before it disgust me! How's that for an ending to a relationship? :)
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