Balance-self torture??

In my quest to be a better whole person I always find myself getting hurt. Why am I always trying to give others the benefit of the doubt? It's at my expense. Who do I value more? Me or them? The truth is they are mean ugly people. Inside & out. That hasn't changed. It probably never will at this point. Why do I always force myself to be the better person? A few weeks ago my sister (big shock) blocked me from her Facebook bc she didn't believe "my post contributed to her life." AKA she didn't like watching me achieve happiness. She doesn't like watching my life improving. The difference between a Brigance & Grayson. How many times can I say it, "thank God for the Brigances." She then blocked my page from her view & my mothers. Always trying to get in between any type of relationship between me & my mom. Where does her extreme insecurity come from? From being ignored as a child? To never being good enough for her mother before she had money? Or is it just her? Just this evilness inside her inherited by the games my father & mother have taught? Why should I be the one trying to find the right balance between being strong & protecting myself to being forgiving no matter how much they INTENTIONALLY try to hurt me? I know better. You would think I would have learned my lesson but my sister, dad, mom they go in the same category as Matt & I'm always trying to give them all the benefit of the doubt. I like pain maybe? No, really it comes down to my children. To teaching them forgiveness & not harbor ing the ugliness inside of you. I could not live my life festering the constant ugly & evil that they do. Don't they get that it's just not worth it? No, I don't think they do because some people enjoy hurting other people. No matter if its their daughter, sister, or son's mother.

Since I know longer know who or how someone is reading my blog I must add this disclaimer: this is my blog. Not for the sole intention of anyone else but ME. My therapy to release the thoughts inside my head. If you don't like the words or thoughts Inside Bre's Head I apologize but remember these things: 1. Nobody is forcing you to come & read my post 2. They are my words not facts. Just my thoughts. 3. they aren't meant to hurt anyone but my therapy & process of letting stuff go.