Stop blaming the boogieman Sabrina! Stop saying your ready to forgive & move forward but pull out the same old blame card. Why can I be so forgiving with all the rest of them but not her? I guess reality is I blame the current strain of my relationship with my mother on the boogieman. I feel like she has been working behind the scene against me instead of the way I worked to get her sister/kids to her wedding to help her. The way she didn't work to mend things for my wedding. I think that was the creation of the boogieman for me. To know that on the one happiest days of my life she was still trying to be hurtful & say mean things about me on my wedding day. But are you really holding onto that Sabrina? Are you that pathetic? It was 4 years ago. It didn't ruin your day, move on. Then, during my 7 months of pregnancy the day of constant beatings. Over 100 text messages. "Your parents hate you. Your own mother can't stand you. You're father thinks your disgusting." Laying in bed sobbing. feeling defeated bc I couldn't fight for myself because I had to fight for my baby. My husband calling her asking her to stop & her reply being, "oh, are you going to go into labor? Hehehe". Are you still holding onto that? Still blaming the Boogieman for that Bre? You didn't go into labor. You called your father & had a great conversation with him & your mother. You gave birth right when you were suppose to. You said you forgave. Did you? And now the little things. You blame the boogieman. Lets not act like you don't remember you made choices Sabrina. You choose to shut yourself off from all of them. Yes, it might have been to protect yourself but it was still your choice. Not hers. You decide what & when they can be part of your life. If they don't know you it can't be their fault you shut down a long time ago. If your relationship is strained with your mother it's your fault. You show no desire to fix it. You decide to live your day thinking you are fine without her.
You can't then go back & blame the boogieman. & maybe the blame is because of jealousy. mostly because of your mom. you wish you could go back at the same time you refuse to give in. I'm not asking you to look past the parts the boogieman has played in your hurt but its time to move on. Its time for you to stand by the choices YOU made & continue to make. but you cant blame someone else for everything. No excuses, remember?
Did I just give myself a lecture? Lol I must be losing it! I love & hate moments like this. The moments when I feel like I have everything figured out & realize I have a lot to learn. I thought this next year would be about my weight loss. I have a feeling it will be a whole lot more. Closing some doors permanent. Opening new doors. Whatever they might be I must remember that they are my choices.
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