I've always had 1 goal and that is to become a better version of myself year after year. Up until the last year I think I've succeeded. Looking back at the last 9 months of 2014 I think I'm failing. How do I fix that? There's only 1 way I know how to and that is to STOP. Stop the things I'm doing that are being toxic in my life. #1. Drinking. Do I have a problem? No, but drinking regardless if you have a problem or not is at a root of a lot of evil and strain in life. I think that my behavior when I drink is disgusting. I think that up until this last year I was able to say my kids haven't seen me drunk and I can't say that now. I don't care if they can tell or not. I can and it's not okay. Drinking cost money which I'm trying to get a hold of and it puts on weight which I'm trying to maintain. Drinking equates to a midnight stop at McDonald's or a greasy breakfast the next day. Drinking is fun in moderation but when it becomes too much of a focus then it's time to say STOP. I don't know how to drink without going overboard because the beer I'm drinking is too strong for my body. I hate the way I feel physically and emotionally afterwards. Maybe I do have a problem. Drinking is a problem for me. If you wake up regretting something the next day doesn't that make it a problem? Now this is the part that scares me. My husband likes it too. There is no in between for him either. I told him Sunday morning I was done. I had to take a step back and he was very casual about it. If we question a $40 movie night with our son but not $40 in beer that is a problem. I hope this isn't like 2009 for us. I hope this is a problem we can solve together and be on the same page. I'm not saying we are Alcholic but I'm saying I can see where this is all heading. And I want out.
It's going to be hard because our lives are filled with drinking. Jaguar games. Family gatherings. Dinners with friends. How do I avoid those situations without causing a big Sabrina doesn't want to hang out with us fight again? Do I make a declaration? Or does that make it obvious that I think there is an issue? Or am I avoiding a declaration because I don't want someone to hold me accountable? After all there is a Jaguar game in 2 weeks and of course I want to drink.
Ugh I hate this. I hate that there is a persona of Drunk Sabrina. I hate that I've let my guard and class down. What do I do now? How do I move forward but still live in the same settings. The reason I like this blog is because as I type by the end of a blog I come to some realizations. I've realized by the end of this blog there is a problem. Drinking is a problem for me. I can't believe I just typed that.
1 comment:
Except for a few years in my twenties, I've lived my life mostly without drinking. Most my friends are/were drinkers, our nights revolving around clubs, bars, and parties. My husband used to spend every Fri-Sun at a bar, buy cases of beer or alcohol for the home. However, even with all these drinking elements around me, I'm able to participate in that world without drinking. And because of my nondrinking, it has affected Dave without me telling or demanding him to stop drinking.
Not drinking doesn't have to change your life that dramatically. You can still party, you can still have a great time. You are funny, entertaining, and crazy without drinking. Your friends and family love you and have been supportive as you've worked on other areas of your life. Give them the chance to be just as supportive in this area too. And who knows, as you've already been a positive role model to them in other areas, you might end up causing more positive changes in their lives. The thing to remember Sabrina, you are a leader. You have always been a leader. You have this amazing ability to strongly influence people. Just find something to replace the drinking.
You have a valid reason for wanting to stop. And it is possible to mostly continue your lifestyle without indulging in the drinking. If you want to talk or the perspective of a nondrinker, please feel free to contact me.
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