Business trip update.

This morning JB agreed to run with me. We drove down a couple blocks & ran along the beach. The first 1.5 we ran into the wind which was difficult but not impossible. The beach & shore was the perfect south FL picture. We finished just as the sun was rising.

We then went to breakfast after enjoying the sunrise & I had my normal scrambled egg breakfast. Oh, I drank my shake today before running. Big mistake. On my 3rd 8 minute running I could feel it in my stomach. I'll stick to drinking it after from now on. Today is our chill day. We saw about 7 clients yesterday & the crazy week starts at 6pm to tonight so we like to take Tuesday easy.

First food: We laid by the beach from 11-1pm & I brought water & almonds with me in case I needed a snack. We then met a few company reps for lunch & I ordered a chicken quesadilla from the appetizer menu. I hate 1 3/4 of the 4 squares but thankfully the men said nothing. During the reception I didn't eat or drink alcohol. Dinner was another company rep & this time I ordered Salmon. It was huge! So I hade maybe half. Probably not. A couple bites of spinach & 2 calamari. I also had half a glass of wine someone did ask why I didn't eat so much & also the guy next to me asked if I liked it & when I told him yes he gave me a funny look. I'm glad I didn't pay for the $40 plate bc I left about $25 of it behind. Lol. No dessert for me. I do love their desserts. Normally I would have been all over the creme brûlée. Overall I think I did good.

Question wise I got a few. The room was so loud it was hard to speak. Tomorrows seminar will be much more quieter & I'm expecting more questions. I did get a bunch of holy cow you look greats. I just said thank you. Some men & women kept saying it over & over making a big deal about it but I just laughed & said thank you. For the questions I just deflected. I didn't want to talk about it. & these people gossip. A few asked of I had been working out so I told them about my running & some asked if I watched what I ate & I told them yes. I wonder if people wonder. It has been a year. Maybe not. One lady that knew told me I seemed nervous & I guess I was in way. I didn't know what to expect. Funny thing is this lady is my FB friend calls me at work & tells me how great I look but didn't recognize me by the pool. Lol

Vitamins: got them! Thanks babe!

I'm working out on the treadmill tomorrow bc I don't want to run alone outside in the dark. I went & located the gym so I know exactly where I'm going tomorrow morning. I know the FB pics made it look like an easy day but these business trips are exhausting. It's 10:45pm & I've had 15 mins to myself for the first time since 6:30am. I'm tired of smiling! Good night.

Business Trips & RNY

This is my first business trip since my surgery. I have about 30% of the control of what we eat & when. This is going to be a challenge for me. I started off bad by forgetting my vitamins. Nate is going to FedEx them to my hotel. Our out of town routine starts with Starbucks & chick fil-a. Today while JB was at Starbucks I ran across the street for 2 scrambled eggs. we just stopped at 7-11 & for the first time ever I didn't get a Slurpee or Taqeto. Water, almonds, & beef jerky for me. Some snacks to get me through the in between.

I did get up & run this morning. I plan to run everyday this week. I will keep you all updated. It's going to be a long week of food challenges & questions.

So immature

I drove past Lane Bryant today & I flicked it off! With both hands! I'm on the way to buy new underroos & I can finally buy the cheaper ones in the bag & not pay $5.25 a pair from LB! Remember the ones Santa use to bring us? For the record my husband is trying to get me to upgrade my cheap bag pair but just like them I'm too cheap.

Speaking of underroos I went to Vas yesterday and got measured. I was a 42 D & now I'm a 38 C. Did I buy a $50 bra??? Hell no! But now I know what size I am to find a cheaper version some place else!

This girls gone country

My Zac Brown Band outfit

Skinny jeans (omg) size 14
Shirt large
And I bought killer riding boots!

Shopping. Barf!!!

I'm sorry in advance for you not so into this people but I put way to much thought into this kind of stuff and then second and third guess myself through the process.

I need to go shopping!  For real this time.  I have 2 big events coming up.  First is the Zac Brown Band concert next Friday.  I really want to wear a pair of tall knee boots.  It's my reward for getting below 200 and will also take wearing knee high boots off my goal list.  I could wear something like this.

 

I have the brick color dress I got from Target while we were in St. Augustine. I could buy a pair of black cowboy boots and borrow someones jean jacket.    Like this outfit:

I can't decide between cowboy boots which I won't get as much wear out of or I really want a pair of riding boots. I can wear those with leggings (also on my goal list) or skinny jeans.  (Can't believe I can look good in skinny jeans.)

Something like this:  

I just love that.  Or something like this one these girls without so many layers. It's just not cool enough yet in Jax. 

I have 2 days to find the perfect outfit for the concert because I will be out of town the rest of next week and returning a few hours before the concert..  I despise shopping in store. I hate trying stuff on and I've been dreading this part of it. 

The 2nd even is our annual family pictures!  It's been a year since this picture was taken by the wonderful J. Halstead Photography

Look at my face and my husband.  I didn't see it before. I didnt' look at this picture and thing gosh we look fat.  If I had to guess my weight it was somewhere between 270-280.  In a 22 jean and a 22/24 sweater.

This year we are doing something a little different. My BL BFF owner of Caroline Momberg Photography thought of the idea of having a family session at the Jacksonville Fair.  I'm all about going outside of my homemade box so I jumped on the offer.  It's a change of outfits and scenery and nothing we had every done before. She's amazing with children and will be able to get wonderful smiles from my sassy girl.

Check out this family's session done at a local carnival below.  This is the general idea. Don't you just love it?



http://www.shannonkaedingphotography.com/blog/2012/08/30/washington-county-fair-family-session-family-photographer-st-george-ut/#



My color pallet inspiration for this family session was this photograph right here. I love the use of soft subtle colors and how fun and fresh it feels.  (I don't remember the source of this photography but I did not take it.)

So off to Old Navy and the Gap I went searching for the 2 littles first. (.com of course because I don't go to stores on the weekdays)  I found this shirt in the top left for Ethan.  It has the perfect mix of colors to help be the "pull from" source of our outfits. (Like Lorelei's tights were for us last year.) 

Okay, so back to Ethan. That great shirt, with a lighter seafoam blue/green t-shirt under it.  The button shirt will be either partial unbutton or not buttoned at all. He will wear khaki shorts and his boat shoes.    Miss. Lorelei will be wear the pink skirt shown below over the aqua tights. I'm on the hunt for a white shirt with some hints of silver in it so she can match it with her silver Mary Jane's.  She will probably wear one of her chunky beaded necklaces just to add another layer. I LOVE the jacket the little girl is wearing above but she would probably hate it and fight me on it.  My stud muffin will be wearing his yellow Banana Republic button up shirt with lighter jeans and his flip flops.  No cardigan sweater for my man.

Sounds good so far, right?  Now what about me???  I can really wear any color combination pulled from Ethan's shirt which is great. I'm not limited to finding one color.  Unlike the mom above I won't be in high heels. I'm a tad bit (2 inches he says 1) taller than my husband and I like to wear flats most of the time. Also with my kids being shorter it would just make me not proportion well for the photographs. 

I think I might wear a dress. :-\  With a cardigan sweater.  For example. I could wear this dress from Dillards.  Find a coordinating color. Maybe a blue to go with it.

I also like this dress. I don't care for the price.  $150? I don't think so Ms. Simpson! But I do like the color and how the ruffles go with Lorelei's skirt.

Or I could wear pants.  Like these colored jeans from Old Navy with a tank and a coral color cardigan.

I have 2 weeks to figure it out. I have no choice but to put myself out there in stores, grab stuff off the rack, and try stuff on.  I need to take the time to do it without anybody rushing me.  Do most women hate shopping for clothes?  I didn't use to and I love when my sister comes in town and we shop for her.  I think it's the size thing and that feeling that nothing fit rights and nothing looks good.  When we are shopping for her I don't have to worry about that part of it.  Please keep your fingers crossed for me. Say happy shopping prayers.  Pray for good hefty sales.  Did you make it through this blog post Char? Or did I lose you?

I miss you

Nate & Linda at our wedding 03.08

I've never really lost anyone before. I've been very fortunate to be from a pretty healthy family.  My parents even with their unhealthy habits are pretty blessed.  My husband on the hand has not been that lucky.  He lost his father within the first 6 months of us dating.  I didn't really know Howard. I met him the first time on Father's Day and he passed away a few days after Thanksgiving.  What I did know was that he was loved and respected by his children.  And that he accepted Ethan as his almost immediately upon meeting him.

He left behind the love of his life, Linda.  Nate's mother and Ethan's Gran Gran.  The death of Linda was probably the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to be a part of. She was a fiery woman with such pride and grace.  A true spit fire well mannered southern woman.  She went into the hospital for a routine medical procedure and spent next 4 months in the hospital before she passed away on November 8, 2009.  I can't believe it's been almost 3 years. It feel likes yesterday when my husband, Marie, & I were spending almost every lunch break at the hospital with her.  Sometimes talking to her. Sometimes just sitting there.  Her struggle was so up and down. I remember trying to figure out if I should travel to the Panhandle at one point and when I came to the hospital she was sitting up.  Just gotten a new haircut. Was talking about joining the weekly Wii activities.  I felt like it was okay to travel for the week.  Things were finally turning around.  When I came back from the trip things were different. She was back on the machines and back in bed.  She missed her Granddaughters wedding.  She spent the evening in the hospital while the rest of us went and watched Dena get married.  She was miserable. She hated being stuck in that bed. No windows. No freedom.  It's not the kind of woman she was. Her nails looked bad. She hated the way her skinned looked. 

During all of this my marriage was falling apart.  My husband was dealing with the thought of losing his mother. He was angry. He was scared. He was grieving. He was trying to be hopeful. I was trying to stay in control. To plan. To Organize. The only things I know how to do. Among the other things going on this put a huge weight on our marriage and our relationship with one another. The struggle of possibly losing his mother and our struggle of not being able to conceive along with the other was too much for us.

Eventually Linda made her choice. She was tired. She wanted more than the life she was going to have.  She wanted to go home. To our home. She wanted to pass away the way she had lived her life. With dignity.  That caused the biggest rift in our family.  Nathan and I understood what his Mom wanted and we supported her.  Understandably some of his brothers and sisters did not.  They wanted their Momma to live.  They wanted to be able to go to the hospital and visited her.  I'm not sure that even on the day she was transported to our home that some of them were at peace with her choice. 

This is where things changed for me. After being in the 10x10 hospital room with a room of children watching them hear from their Momma's doctor and herself that she was done.  Watching their hearts break as they realized the end was coming. I got in my car and I called my mother for the first time 7 months. I needed my mother. I called her and I cried on her voicemail.  I told her Linda was dying and I needed her.  That Ethan was about to lose his Grandmother and I didn't know if I could handle it.  I never received a return phone call. 

The day she came home I remember how happy she was.  We had decorated our guest room with her curtains, her pictures, her artwork. The grand kids drew pictures and we hung them on the wall.  "We Love you Gran Gran"  She was wheeled into the sunlight for the first time in 4 months and as she came into my foyer she said, "oh, it's so beautiful."  My cobwebbed ceilings were beauty to her compared to the hospitals she had been stuck in.  A frosty!  She wanted a frosty that night and the Hospice nurse said she could have whatever she wanted.  I've never seen anyone eat a spoonful of a Wendy's frosty with such pleasure.  The entire family was there.  We all lived in our home for 3 days. Air mattresses filled the living room.  Kim brought us dinner and did what a true friend would do and tried to bring some laughter into our hearts.  A typical and appreciated Kim move.  The days she was home were again an up and down journey.  The doctors had told us 24 hours.  We were on our 3rd day. We took turns sitting in the room with her.  The wonderful Hospice nurse was there almost the entire time.  Sunday morning of November 8th all the grandchildren were out of the house. The men except for Nate went to a Jaguar football game. It was my turn to sit with Linda. I was holding her hand and she opened her eyes for the first time in hours. I called for Nate and Marie. They came in and each held her hands. She looked at them like she was taking it all in for one last time. Diane & Amy told her it was okay. Her family would be okay and she slowly passed away. 

It was the most beautiful and heart wrenching moment of my life.  The day Heaven got a little more beautiful. 

During this time we had struggled with conceiving a baby.  We had given up during this point and 6 weeks after Linda's death after quiting the fertility medicine months before we found out we were pregnant.  A few short months later we found out we were having a little girl.  A fiery little southern girl she would be just like her Gran Gran. Given the same initials after her Gran Gran. I struggle with the fact that Lorelei just like her father never will know her Gran Gran.  But I also know that the choice Linda had to make would have been 100x's harder if she knew that her baby was about to have a baby.  And a girl. Oh Lordy would she be over the moon to have a little girl.  She would be broke by now spoiling this child.  I know there was a reason for the way things happened but it still makes me sad sometimes. It amazes me at times when I'm in my car and I hear a song that I will start crying. That all those emotions from those 4-5 months come back.

I think losing Linda is what changed the way that I held onto things. In the hospital one time Linda asked me about my mom and I told her I hadn't spoken to her.  She told me to forgive her. Even though my phone call went unreturned I forgave my mother. I forgive her now. Life is too short to add people to your "I'm not talking to them list"  There is no winning in a war like that. Love your loved ones. Forgive them.  Enjoy the moments you are given and move on from the moments that hurt you.  I use to make such a big deal over things. We have some stuff going on now and I'm more likely the one to say, "uh whatever. Don't make a big deal over it. Let's just move on."  With my husband I think it's been the opposite. In some ways it's harden his heart and that man can hold a grudge better than anyone right now.  I hate to see him like that because it's not in his true nature to be grudgeful.  A Brigance is typically a laid back person.  Just like their father. Where I use to think it was a weakness I know find it admirable. It brought a lifetime of peace to their family that most don't get to enjoy.

A new ring

My wedding ring is officially too big for me. I actually stopped wearing it a week ago.  I hated it. I felt like it was disrespectful to my husband to be going around town without my wedding ring on.  I was dying for a new one.  Not a new one. A temporary one.  I don't want to resize my current solitaire and band yet because I'm worried about it messing up the ring in the long run. I want to wait until I get my final size before I mess with it. 

My husband was very sweet. He didn't want me to order a ring. He wanted to buy it.  I'm sure it was a man thing but I appreciated it. I didn't want to spend a lot of money because I'm cheap.  Y'all knew that was coming right?  It just doesn't make sense to spends hundreds or thousands of dollars on a temporary ring.  Or to go crazy and get some bigger one when I love my ring. So $50 was my budget! Yes, a $50 wedding band. That's all I needed. Timeline was before this coming Monday. I leave for Fort Lauderdale on Monday and I don't want to be caught down there without my wedding ring on.  Can you imagine the gossip?  Trouble at home?  Sabrina's got a her groove back?  Yep, wanted to avoid all of that.  The good thing is my ring size is standard now. I went from a size 9 to a 7 and they carry that size in stores.  Yippee!

My husband took off searching after work yesterday while I went home to take care of the kids.  He stopped at 5+ jewelers searching for the perfect temporary ring.  I would receive picture text from him and he sent me some beautiful rings.  I almost fell for it.  I almost said, 'GET IT! That one with all the sparkle!!!" But I showed restraint.  Nope, obviously not within our $50 budget. 

Finally, he found it. A basic temporary wedding ring.  Something that can be placed on my finger and hold my other's ring place until I can put my ring back on.  A ring that will remind me that I have a commitment to the man that I love. To remind me of our vows and promises to one another.  A symbol of those commitments and respect that I have for my husband and our marriage.  And a big red flag for my husband's peace of mind that says, "Step off this girl is married!"


It's simple 4.00mm wedding band.  The best part it was only .28 over budget! Which included a resizing warranty!  So, he came home with my new ring got down on one new in front of Ethan & Lorelei and asked me to stay married to him. I told him I would have to let him know. lol