If only it was that easy

"Why not just make a life style change, stick to it and then you won't need surgery?" Really! Why didn't I think of that? I could have saved 10 years of my fat years if I only thought of that before now. Number of times I've heard that to date since my big choice. Twice. I'm sure it won't be the last. If it was that easy I would have done it already. Everytime I've lost weight I've put it back on plus more. I need to do this. I want to do this. I'm going to do it. Jump on the support me train or get left at the station and hold your thoughts and opion to yourself please :)

Month 1

Check in with Dr. Love. Current weight 281. That's down 1.1 pounds from last month. (It's the little things that matter) My blood pressure was good. I'm going to start on a half dose of phentermine a day for the next month and see if that helps my appetite and boost my metabolism. We also talk about the 5 No's again and he said No means NO. Whole grain is not allowed. If I'm going to eat anything a small potato would be okay because it will fill me but not cause the up and down cravings bread or pasta will.

We also discussed my goal weight. He said that between the next 6 months, exercises, maintaining a 1400 calorie diet, controlling my insulin, and weight loss surgery I should be able to reach 140 with no problem. He then went on to say that based on my height 180 would probably be a good weight. It still think that sounds high and too close to 200 for me. I would like to be around 160.

So, here goes my 2nd month. I'm hoping to use the elliptical more. 100 calorie burn is what we are aiming for our 1 mile a day. And control my food intake. Wish me luck!

Day 2 Nate's Body by Vi

Current weight 208.8

His goal 175

He is on day 2 of a shake for breakfast and a shake for lunch. He is adding frozen fruit to the shakes and they are deliscious. He said they were alright. But to him everything is alright. He needs to buy some healthy snack for inbetween breakfast and lunch but other than that I think he's good to go. We are coming up to the hardest part to me which is the weekend. I wonder how he's going to do or what he's going to do if we are out and about. I know he can stick with this and drop those pounds quickly. He's even showed some interest in the treadmill! I'm so very proud of him and he's motivating me to get my act together.

Scale

281.5

2nd yummy shake down. Oh, if there was ever a need for sarcasim font that would be now.

What's shakin'?

Besides the ground between VA & PA. I still can't believe there was a 5.8 magnitude earthquake in VA this past week. Hurricane Irene is out there brewing and now an earthquake? Sign from God, the start of the zombie Apocalypse???

What's also shakin' starting today is my breakfast and lunch. You might remember in this post I discussed the 1400 calorie diet Dr. Love said that I needed to be on for the next 6 months. I've struggled trying to accomplish that. I thought that the way I can reach my 1400 calorie rule is by having a shake in the morning and a shake for lunch. Nate purchased this Maxmuscle High 5 Protein Shake and didn't use all of it. I figured why not? I made 10 ounces this morning with 2% milk. (The gas station didn't have skim milk) and let me say it wasn't delicious. I guess I was expecting it to taste like a McDonald's milk shake but that was just my silly fat brain not being smart. I'm still going to suck up the not so yummy taste and stick with it for at least until I meet with my doctor again on Sept. 8. I need to lose something for my weight in.

Nate Dogg is on the Body by Vi shake challenge. We just signed him up this morning. He will drink a shake for breakfast and a shake for lunch and then a normal dinner and snacks. Our friend Tina has lost 16 pounds in 2 months. I want Nate to be on the road towards fitness because as soon as I have my surgery they weight loss will happen rapidly for me. I don't want to leave him behind. He mentioned using the elliptical last night. :) Makes me excited that he is ready to get on this train with me.

I ate what????

1400 calorie diet? FAIL
1 mile a day? FAIL

I have to get my shit together. We just went grocery shopping yesterday and that will help me with my goals. I'm also going to take the doctor's offer to be on phentermine the next few months. The amount of food I eat is ridiculous! Nate is such a good husband and has never uttered a word about my eatting habits but this weekend he called me out on it. Not in a rude or mean manner he just mentioned something about 4 piece of pieces..(okay maybe it was 5. I don't really remember), left over Orange chicken, and cheeseits? Really? Talk about a fat ass. That can't be a turn on for my husband to watch his fat ass wife shovel that kind of food into her mouth. If the phentermine will help my appeitite and limit the amount of food I'm eatting then I'm willing to do it.

Emotional madness

Nate had made plans for us to go to his friend's green card party a few weeks ago. The night before the green card party I started to panic. I didn't even realize what I was doing until around 2pm Saturday. Friday night I tried to get out of going to the party by using my son as an excuse. "Oh, I don't spend enough time with him. You go to the party and I can take him out to a movie." Nate got annoyed but said we would talk about it in the morning. The next morning I tried the same thing and I pretty much had him convinced. He was being selfish and I should get to take Ethan out. When I went shopping later that day I started thinking of why I really why I didn't want to go. The real reason wasn't because of Ethan or Nate. It was because I was embarrassed. Here is my good looking husband dragging around his fat wife. I feel like getting a shirt that says, "I won't be fat long!" I feel like everyone else in the world is smaller than me. I'm the Goodyear blimp roaming the streets. I'm embarrassed to go out. To try to squeeze past someone in a crowded spot. I'm ashamed of myself.

It's not an easy thing to say or admit to either. Nate wouldn't understand how I felt. In his sick twisted mind I'm beautiful. I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel like I'm worth very much right now. Just a big nasty mess.

I sucked it up. I came home and told Nate that I would go and I'm glad that I did. I did have a fun time. He had a fun time. I still felt like I was being judged and I hate that. I just wanted to disappear. May could not come soon enough. :-\