I don't really have a topic in mind so I thought I would just check in. What's going on that's good. What's going on that's bad. And things in between.
Quiet: I don't know why but lately during my Al Anon meetings the moment of silence has been bugging me. I don't like silence and I start to cry. Why am I so afraid of the quiet? What is it that's making me cry? It's not just a cry it's a pain. Something hurts but I'm not really sure what. So I feel the silence with thoughts. Thoughts to distract me and to get through the 60 seconds. I think I should figure that out! lol
House: Things are moving at a steady speed. We are investing into our home and we couldn't be any happier. It's such a great feeling to be homeowners. And even better we are spending more time at home. More time at home means less time out spending money and more money to put into our house..Good thing!
Nate: I don't know why but I feel myself pulling away from him. Not emotionally because I love that man with all my heart but physically. I give him a check or a quick hug. we don't have sex as often as we should and there is less something there. He said something to me about it the other day and I need to fix it. I don't want it to be like that. It's not that he's a sexually driven gotta have it all the time man but he is an affectionate person. He likes to be hugged and cuddled and I need to put my phone down and make time for him.
Weight: I can get lazy. I weighted 158 the other day! Not good. Not because I'm fat but because its gaining weight. I got fat pound by pound so I need to keep an eye on this. I'm tracking my food right now and watching what I eat more. Less beer would be helpful. I caught myself on the couch the other day with a bag of chips. I've since made Ethan eat all the leftover chips in the house. I can't forget that I can get fat again.
A bikini: Can I actually wear a bikini again??? I'm so excited to see how things will shape up for me after May 21! What will I look like????
My sister: Most of you that read this knows that she's moved out of our house. I still have mixed feelings about this. I miss them but I like having our house to ourselves again. It's weird though not having them there. Wherever she is I hope that she is okay. I had an awful dream about her last night and I just pray that she is okay. That the kids are okay. That she knows that I love her. That I would do it all again for her because she is my sister and I believe that is what we should do for each other.
Work: Saturday is my 10 year anniversary. I have mixed emotions especially because of Roger. Have I wasted the last 10 years of my life year? Can it last? Have I boxed myself in? Will I feel appreciated again? I need to be more vocal. I'm not the 23 year old girl that they gave a chance I'm the 33 year old woman who made them a few million every year. Respect that bitches! lol
Ethan: About to lay the boom on my C's and a D. If that kid gives me one more excuse about his teachers I'm going to chop his fishing poles into tiny tiny pieces. I'm waiting on report cards on Tuesday and he's going to have some new homework and studying structure through the end of the year. I've prepaid for his college the boy is going to use the opportunity that I was afforded and go great places with it. Whether he likes it or not! (Or his sister will get it! lol)
BFF: I got to see my best friend today. A best friend is probably too informal. She's my sister. Not a doubt about it. We've been friends for 17 years and regardless of our disagreements we have remained true friends. We can call each outher out on our shit and be there for each other. We both have disfunctional families and parents. I'm so glad I got to see her for 1 hour and I wish she lived so much closer to me!!!
Nate: So proud of him for busting his ass at our house. I think I'm going to move him from a month to month to a 6 month option. I agreed for him to get another dog the other day. Nick backed out but if he changes his mind I think my husband deserves it. Remind me of that months from now!
Parents: I talk to both of them this week about Debra. I didn't want to because last time something with Debra I'm the one that got shoved under the bus. To say I've learned my lesson is an understatement. I tried to keep it very simple and factual and less opionated. I feel like they have the right to know but I'm an adult and it's my home so I don't really need them involved. I tread very lightly when it comes to my parents. I hope that I did a good job.
Adoption: Nate and I have discussed adoption. I don't want to carry any more children but after having Debra's 3 kids for 9 months I feel like we have more room in our home and heart for 1 more child. A boy or girl elementary school age. We are going to let things cool down and discuss it with Ethan sometime at the end of summer. If he is on board we will look into it with the county. From the research I've done it's pretty low cost to adopt a child in duval county. Unfortunately there are so many kids out there without parents.
General life: It's a balance. Good days. Bad days. Mostly good days. My life on FB is pretty much accurate. We are all very happy with some hiccups. It could be worse and it could be better but I'm happy. I'm more good than bad. I feel very blessed with my family. I'm happy with the honest circle of friends we have. I feel like we've elminated the trouble makers and we are young parents raising families and enjoying life.
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