2 weekends ago while visiting friends in GA I was asked how far along I was. Seriously 140 pounds and I still get asked that question? I told the lady I wasn’t expecting and that not to feel bad it was just the dress. A dress that I wear all the time. So, do most people think I look knocked up when I’m in that dress. I’m 148 pounds and a size 8 but the extra skin around my stomach makes my belly stick out. I went from feeling like the hottest girl at the party to the fattest girl at the party. I can’t wait to get a tummy tuck.
Then last weekend we had friends over at our house. I’m sitting around with 4 girlfriends laughing and having a good time. One of the friends look at me and said, “Don’t take this wrong but you are too skinny girl. My kids having been asking if Mrs. Sabrina is sick.” I laughed awkwardly and then started to cry. So I’m either too fat, pregnant, or too skinny. I can’t win. Maybe I don’t look as good as I think I do. Do I look sick? I felt like I was punched in the gut. I don’t understand how she could say that to me. These people have been in my life on a daily basis. They’ve seen the transition. How could they ask if I was sick?
I don’t know what to think about it. I just cried and went to bed and everyone went home. She sent me a text the next day apologizing for the timing. I feel like if she was concerned about my weight she should have approached me privately and asked me about it. I haven’t lost weight in months. I’ve actually fluctuated 1-4 pounds over the last 2 months. I’m not trying to lose weight. I eat! I actually get concerned with my freedom of eating some days and have to take a step back to make sure that I’m making healthy choices on a daily basis with some free days.
Most days I feel skinny but I wonder if that is in my head. Now it makes me wonder if I’m not as skinny as I think. I do hate my stomach. I think my stomach makes me look fat. So then is it the opposite do I think I have a fat stomach but I actually look really sick to people?
I think the part that hurts the most is that at 148 pounds I still have to question my weight and looks. I wasn’t expecting that.
2 comments:
YOU determine if you are happy with how you look, DO NOT let other people affect that!
People have different taste and opinion, therefore you will always run into someone who doesn't like something about you. BUT it doesn't mean there is anything WRONG with you, only that your appearance is not to that one person's taste.
Think of it this way, you do not find every guy attractive. It doesn't mean the man you don't like isn't attractive, it just means they are not your taste. Another woman might find that guy to be the hotest thing since pinterest!
You might not have been the hottest girl at the party to ONE person, but it doesn't mean that there wasn't two or more who thought that you were.
As for your friend, if their kids are used to people with more meat on their bones (since we are a country of meaty people, lol), then you just look different to them. You look different to all of us because you ARE different. The people who have been in your life the longest hasn't seen you this skinny in decades... the people who met you later in life NEVER saw you this way... it will take some time for them to get use to how you are now.
Stop worrying about other people. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Not now but before those people said something? Stop worrying about what other people say, they are not living your life. Stop looking for flaws when there is so much perfection! Go back to being positive and don't allow the negative to color your eyes!
Be happy with who you are. Be happy with the healthy choices you make and the activities you are able to participate in. Be happy with the clothes you get to play around with. Be happy that you have been proactive with changing the things that previously made you unhappy. And be happy of the image you are passing along to your children (and now your neices and nephews).
And if I wasn't at work, I would post P!nk's F**kin' Perfect song for you!
Find that song, listen to it over and over, maybe throw in a few Miranda Lambert and Kelly Clarkson women power songs. And of course Whitney's Greatest Love of All (which is LOVING YOURSELF because you cannot always depend on other people)!
[*drops the mic and walks away ;)]
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