1 year Update

I'm a little behind on my blogging. Life has been going so crazy fast since May I haven't had the time to sit down and put my thoughts down.

June 4 was my one year mark for surgery.  This past year has been amazing. More than I ever imagined. I thought I would be a size 14 at my smallest. I thought I would weigh 180 at my smallest. I reached those goals and exceeded them. I'm a size 8 in pants and currently weigh between 148-150 pounds.  It all feels surreal. Sometimes I think I'm going to wake up and it will all be back. That this life isn't only temporary. I doubt my ability to sustain it.  Ugh stop being negative Sabrina!

First my updated Goal list

1. Weigh less than 200 pounds (5 pounds away!)
1a. Weigh 220 (almost there!)
1b. Weigh less than Nate. My husband is making this hard for me since his weight is going down too.
2. Weigh: 170.
Lose 100 pounds (166.6)
Weigh: 160
3. Take Family pictures (Scheduled for the first of November)
4. Take pictures with Nate, maybe boudoir pictures :) (schedule for the summer)
5. Go to an amusement park with Nate and go on all the roller coasters
6. Go iceskating
7. Shop at the Gap, Learners, and Express (bought my first shirt from Banana republic!)
8. Go to a waterpark and ride all the rides with Ethan Nate, Ethan, and I went to a waterpark yesterday and I rode every ride with them and I didn't get stuck!
9. Wear shorts Done and I'm never going back! It's too damn hot to live in FL and not wear shorts!
10. Dance in a club or bar
11. Run a 5K, (ran my first one and signing up for the 2nd)
BEAT Nate in a 5K
10K
Gate River Run (signed up and ready to go!!!)
Half Marathon by next fall
12. Try "fun" things with my husband ;) things sure have gotten fun :):):) but the 2 I have in my head hasn't happened yet. ;)
13. Go to a costume party
14. Wear a skirt to work Wore a skirt to work last week :)
15. Hold my head up high when I walk into a room almost there. I have my up and down days
16. Go to the beach (please Lord don't let me get eatin' by a shark) Went to Fort Desoto beach this weekend and did not get eaten by a shark!
17. Wear knee high boots (I can't wait to find a pair of riding boots & cowboy boots!)
18. Play a full basketball game against Ethan and his friends.
19. Buy bikes and go on bike rides with the family We need to buy Lorelei a seat. grr
20. Wear one of Nate's t-shirts to bed
21. Go horseback riding
22. Go to one of those underground clubs with Nate (Ultra in Miami)
23. Buy a new bathing suit
24. Wear a cocktail dress
25. Do an obstacle course or high rope course including a zip line
26. Play on a softball team (I'm currently on a softball team but I'm already talking myself out of it. Stick with it Bre!)
27. Buy a sexy bra from Victoria Secrets I'm crossing this off this list because I'm too cheap to buy a bra from VS but I do own 3 bra's now and 1 is red and sexy. Plus Nate bought me some panties from VS so I think that counts.
28. Run the bleachers at FC
29. Wear leggings
30. sing Karaoke
31. Tuck my shirt in
32. Buy an outfit from Black & White Market, J Crew
33. Buy a pair of jeans at a regular store other than Old Navy.

Pretty impressive. I'm so very happy with how the past year has gone.

Reality Check:  I need to stay focus. I don't want to lose any more weight but I also don't want to go back to being fat. I feel like lately I've been eating more so I'm setting my timer and going to stick with my schedule. I'm actually okay with gaining 10 pounds back but you get what I'm saying. I don't want to forget that it's very easy to gain all this weight back and I never want to go back there.

Running. I haven't been running because of a lack of a partner. The Green's were nice enough to include me one day which was nice. I enjoyed the run and it felt great. I made a commitment to Chrissy starting today to start running again. I don't want to run 5+ days a week anymore if it doesn't fit in my schedule but I do want to run at least 3 days a week including a long run of 8 miles or more.  I can't seem to wake up in the morning so we are going to run right after work.  I'm signing up for the Wounded Warrior 8K this fall and the MC half marathon. I thought I was going to sign up for a Marathon but because of all the other stuff we have planned and our future changing I'm not sure I can commit to it.

"You're so skinny" I don't know why I hate hearing this. I guess because I assume that people mean it in a bad way even if they don't. Or if they are heavier than me I don't want them to hate me for it. Or judge me for it. I feel better. I feel more confident but I in know way think that I'm better than my friends or family that are struggling with their weight. I don't want to be an outsider to them. The big girls. Those are my girls. I understand their battle and what's in their heart. I understand not going out places because you are ashamed of yourself. I understand holding yourself back from living the life you want because of the weight. I don't want to be an outsider to them.

The skin- What can I say? It's there. It's not awful but I know it's there. It could be so much worse. So so much worse. So I'm thankful. I do want some cosmetic surgery but that will come when it's the right time financially for my family.
I can't even put into words how amazing this past year has been. I'm a happier person. My family is happier.I look back at those pictures of me and I really had no idea. I didn't know I looked like that. I don't ever want to go back.