Eat a freaking hamburger!

I get it! You can see my collar bones. Do you think I can't?  I lost weight not my eye sight! I always knew that I would lose too much weight during this surgery. Typically people lose too much and then gain another 10-15 pounds back. I reached my goal weight a few weeks back of 160 pounds and I'm trying to maintain in. I'm trying to increase my food intake and eat higher in calorie foods. I'm trying. This morning I weighed in at 150.8. I'm not trying to lose weight anymore. I wish I could lose my stomach gut. Gosh do I hate it. But losing weight won't change my belly. Only surgery will.

I'm not sure how I feel about people pointing out my flaws. My mother called me just to point out my collar bones. I guess it comes with the territory. Or how I feel when my friends tell me I need to eat. I do eat. I ate freaking taco bell this weekend.

I guess when it comes to my family they will just have to wait and see. I'm sure they will all be watching me when I come to visit. How much is she eating. How little is she eating. What did she eat?  The Brigance's do it and I'm okay with it and they are use to it now. They know they won't see me at the dessert table and my portions are smaller but they also know that I am eating.

So am I annoyed by it? No, not really. I think people have the best of intentions. I think people get worried when they know so little of my daily habits.

Am I happy with myself right now??? Yes and no. I think I look too thin sometimes like my upper half. I think my stomach still looks fat. And I wish my hair was back to normal. This month will be 11 months out and I wouldn't change a single moment of it though. The life I'm living now is one that I wish I could have been 10 years ago.

Oh, and for the record during my conversation with my mother last night I found out that she has bigger boobs than me now. Wow.

Drowning

I woke up this morning with this overwhelming feeling that I'm drowning. That my arms and legs are tired and I don't have the strength to keep treading water. I need some relief. I need things to just go smoothly for once in our lives. I have no idea how to fix it. How to feel like I'm in control of my life again?

What I do know right now is that I can't let my fear and overwhelm feeling pull me away from my husband. We need each other right now. We need to be able to lean on one another when our fears are getting to us. Don't pull away Sabrina. Lean on him. Let him know your fears. Take a deep breath girl. Everything will be okay. Everything that you have worked hard for come to you. Everything you have dreamed of will be yours. Your life is so very blessed and that is the reason these moments seem so overwhelming and dramatic.

Believe in yourself and Nate.

Nate the Skate

Nate is playing on a team tonight for the first time in years. Super excited for him & nervous. Keep your fingers crossed for him!

Is it real?

Is my life real or am I playing a role in some Real Housewives of Jacksonville episode. Will you suddenly  find out I've filed for divorce and started a love affair with my 24 year old pool boy?  The truth is the love and affection I have for my husband on FB is 100% real.  We are perfectly imperfect for one another and after 9 years have found a way to live happily ever after. Do I think it will last forever? Yes and no.  Are you freaking out now??? Following along with me. I believe in me and my husband. I believe in the commitment we have in one another and our family. I believe in the genuine respect and friendship we have for one another. I believe that I love this man more than any person I've ever loved before. I believe that he would give his life for me and I would do the same for him.  I don't believe that anyone is untouchable. I don't believe in fairy tales. I think that if you walk around thinking that you are untouchable you will suddenly be knocked on your ass by some big surprise. That you will start to get sloppy in your marriage and start mistreating or taking advantage of the other person.  I think this realistic view on love and marriage makes us better partners to each other.

Do you know that as many text or messages I get about my weight loss I get as many about my marriage and relationship with Nate? 

"Please tell me that I will find someone that loves me as much as Nate loves you. I see the way he looks at you across the room and I want that."

"I love seeing your FB posts. You guys are a perfect example of 2nd chances. You are friends, companions, parents, and lovers. I know it's not always perfect but you work through it and make it look easy. Don't ever change. I hope you have a great day!"

"You guys make me believe that there is a chance for me to be in a happy marriage." (This one came from a man!)

It makes us tear up. We know how very lucky we are. Well I take that back it wasn't lucky. We've worked our butts off and have broken each others hearts several times to get here.  We've even uttered the "D" word in the first 2 years of our marriage. There were moments when I wondered if we could make it. When the thoughts of life without him would over power my anger I knew I had to find him and be in his arms.

Sometimes I wonder if we are still to new to give tips on a happy relationship. After all we've only been married for 5 years BUT we've been together for 9 years this April. And if you could have been a fly on the wall in our home you would know we've been through it. We've been through crazy exes, insecurity, weight issues, money issues, debt, chemical dependency, physical and verbal violence, lose of love ones, crazy family drama, and we are still here. And we love each other more than we did 9 years ago. In spite of it all.

So my tips on love and relationships.

• Don't look for the perfect guy. He doesn't exist and your not perfect either. However know your boundaries. If you can deal with reminding him to take out the trash or feeling like the mom but at the end of the day he respects you and treats you with respect then aren't you better off with him?
• Make a commitment to commit. You are there to stay. Arguments no matter how big don't equal divorce. You are two separate people and it's okay to disagree. And you don't have to solve the issue at the end of the day again it's okay to disagree and respect each others point of views.
• It's okay to argue in front of your kids. Respectfully. As much as your children need to see you guys kissing and loving on each other they need to see you disagree. They need to see that it's okay for you both to have an opinion and to see one or both of you apologize to one another. You are ultimately teaching your children the kind of love they should be expecting or looking for.
• Say your sorry. If you are sorry then say it. It's amazing how quickly someone's anger goes away once you say those words.
• Say I love you. Show affection. As much as we think men don't want to be hugged or loved they do.
• Feed their egos. Your man needs to hear just as much as your do that he's hot. That you want him. But expect the same. A woman needs to know that she's on her man's mind.
• Have SEX!! Marriage is nothing without sex. Don't go weeks without it. If you can't remember the last time you and your partner had sex you better do it tonight! And keep it fun. Blow his mind every now and again. Your partner's had a bad day. Hook the man up with some booty as soon as he walks in the door! Send him a naughty picture one day. Keep it hot ladies!!!
• Put your marriage before your children. Yes you heard me right. I've been Ethan's Momma for 11.5 years but I'm Nate's wife first. And in the next 10-15 years our children will be gone and we will be left with just the two of us. If you are just mom and dad how awkward do you think the house will be when the children are gone?  When we hug each other and our kid's try to push their way into it I remind them that I'm Daddy's wife or he's my husband. We take our weekends away together to refocus on us. To strength our marriage. We take days off together just to be able to have sex all morning or lay in bed with one another. We make sure to take date nights and not just plan family nights. Without a strong foundation our home is nothing.
• Don't let the world know. I bet from my list of things we went through up there you are wondering when the hell did this happen? There's a reason why you don't know. We confide in a handful of people but I don't put our problems on blast for the world and my entire family and friends to know. The reason isn't to protect a perfect life picture but to protect my husband or him me. To not allow people to judge us or our marriage based on private mistakes. If I put on here the things that happened in 2009 and before someone of you wouldn't like either one of us. 
• Talk about it at home. So you went out with Nate and I the other night. Do you know I wanted to kill him or we were annoyed & arguing with each other right before you walked in the door?  Probably not. We both believe that our issues are to be dealt with at home. I don't want to be the bickering couple out with our friends or get in an argument with my husband in front of our friends. The funny thing is by the time the night has ended because the plan was to deal with it later we both realized we were being bull headed and we hug and kiss and say sorry before we ever get back home to finish the fight.
• 
  Be partners. Treat each others as equals. Your status in this marriage is not anymore less or more important.
• Respect. Be respectful of one another.
• Try to make them happy. Nate thinks of me before himself 100% of the time. He is always thinking of things to buy for me. I'm always thinking of things to do for him. Plan nights out that he will enjoy or surprise him with a night at his favorite place. If you are both working to make each other happy can you see how easy it is to just be happy.
• Talk! Nate and I talk to each other about everything. There are no secrets between us. I tell him every single thing I do or I'm thinking. The good and the bad. He is my ultimate best friend.
• Allow time apart. Guys night out. Girls night out. Out together but you let him hang with the guys while you gossip with the girls. You give each other hugs and kisses throughout the night but you are independent people.
• Value & protect your marriage. Hold it dear to your heart and protect it. Don't let people, men, girlfriends, family penetrate it. It's so easy to get a divorce these days but so much easier to just protect what you have and work at it.

So those are my tips! Do you agree with them? Is there something you could work on? There's things I need to work on. I think my husband is a better husband than I am wife. I'm always trying to be better for him. Better to him. Funny thing is he thinks the same about himself. Can you see how that is working in our benefit? We are working to be better people/partners/lovers/friends for one another. It just makes it easy to have a happy marriage when you are both putting one another first.

Spring Break and Easter Update

We are finally coming off our Spring Break and Easter high. We had some ups and downs this past week but they were mostly highs. I got to spend time with my best friend and also deepen a friendships with a set of neighbors and tested friendships with others. We spent most of our spring break with Jamie and her son and our neighbor's the Greens. The week was filled with pool time, Legoland, Adventure Landing, an almost trip to the zoo, an adventure downtown via the skytram, a Sabrina free trip down to St. Augustine, wine, beer, good food, and most importantly good times!

I loved having my best friend here and I wish that she lived so much closer. I felt awful for her because her second day here she got a really bad sun burn and she spent most of the week miserable. She was a good sport though and shuffled her way through all the activities. It was kind of hard on me watching her eat knowing that she had the same surgery as me. She's is great with her portion controls and eats much slower than me. I had to keep reminding myself to slow down and watching her eat helped me do that. She eats sweets though and that was hard to watch. I know that my body could probably handle a small amount of sweets like hers but she has told me not even to try it. Once you know your limit you will eat it and I don't want to do that.

My eating throughout the week was okay. I ate a lot of turkey, cheese, some snacks but nothing crazy. I'm out of my protein shake and I need to go get it. I know that I'm not getting enough protein without it. I HAVE to get out there this week before it starts to mess with my hair again.

Watching what you eat at an amusement park? Possible! I googled some reviews on Legoland before we went and I found a restaurant in the park that served a 1/2 rotisserie chicken with roasted veggies and potatoes for 9.99. The review said it was enough for an adult and child to split. It tasted great and a $5.00 meal for each of us and was enough food for 4. We ordered 2 for lunch and Ethan and I split one and Lorelei and Nate split one. Win. Win. Win! We ate breakfast before we left the house and I brought snacks in our bag to nibble on during the day.

When wine does not sit well. Friday night we had the Green's over for a BBQ and I had only eaten 4 chicken nuggets that day. We started drinking wine and 3 bottles later I was dry heffing my brains out and it happened so quickly. One moment I felt fine and the next I was sick and drunk like a dog. (like a dog?) They yelled good night outside of the bathroom door and I crawled into bed. The next morning I woke up with a headache from hell and super thirsty.


Easter was a gorgeous day filled with family and friends. We went to GA in the morning and stopped at Hardees for breakfast. I split a pork chop gravy biscuit with Nate. It tasted great but sat funny in my stomach. I'm glad I only ate half of it. In GA I ate less than half of  hamburger loaded with cheese and veggies and a spoonful of coleslaw, bbq beans, and potato salad. I skipped dessert. On the way home though I had to hold the leftover raspberry filling lemon cake for 1 1/2 in my lap. I took 2 pinches of it and it tasted amazing! Like a jelly filled donut. When I got home I tossed the entire cake in the garbage can. I didn't want the temptation left int he house. Later that night the Green joined us for a sit down Easter dinner. The food was typically Easter dinner food split between the 2 families. It was a fun time and a perfect ending to a long week.

The weather is starting to warm up here and I can't wait to start spending some time in the sun with our friends.  I'm also looking forward to shopping! I have to control myself though. We are trying to save about $9,000 between now and the end of the summer and this new found love of clothing I have is getting in the way.

Current weight: 155.6

Here comes the TMI

And this would be the moment you wished you weren't stalking my blog.  The ewww moments of gastric bypass.

One word.

Hemorrhoid.

Please feel free to run away now.


I've never had one before and I didn't know I had one until my husband confirmed it for me.  (Imagine a scene from a comedy) When you eat so much protein you tend to have issues going to the bathroom and you might have to push harder than normal.  And POP Hemorrhoid problem!

I think it's better now but while I was in denial it was a pain in the ass. Literally! Thanks to witch hazel and some maxi strength Preparation H it is all better.

What did a learn from this?  Hmmmm. add more fiber to my diet or drink coffee in the morning???