No longer feel fat

Today is my first consultation with a plastic surgeron. I'm looking into having a tummy tuck and boob job. Until I get rid of this belly fat I will always feel fat. I'm ready to stop feeling fat.

I will let you know how it goes!

I'm not brave enough to show my before but this is a close before & after I found online. 

List of all list

As you all know we are officially homeowners again! Our first home purchase together and we could be any happy.  You know what that means for me...design time! You know my head and Pinterest is blowing up! The blank walls are screaming at me to get started but I want I to go slowly and do it right.  To help the process I figured I would make a list of all list to help me focus and on track.

Here we go! Enjoy the links to my pinterest board!!!

The Front Yard (0% completed)

• Lights on side of the garage
• Fix stucco issue from inspection
• Repaint House (cost and stucco determined)
• Aerate and seed the yard
• repaint the front door
• DIY door mat
• clear out pushes in bed
• Mulch beds and plant flowers
• Upgrade porch light
• Replace mail box
• Replace sprinkler system throughout yard
• Build Jasmine trellis around trash cans (side yard)

The Backyard (0% Completed)

• Add rain gutters
• level backyard
• clear trees and underbrush
• expand backyard to neighbors fence line
• Install iron fence
• purchase a shed for yard equipment
• expand patio
• fire pit
• new patio chairs and stain table
• build dock including kayak railings

Garage (85% Completed)

• Add shelving
• Build tool bench with peg board
• Create a fishing corner

Living Room (0% Completed)

• Paint a greige color
• Room inspiration
• Corner gallery wall to right of TV like seen here
• Add curtains
• Install Nest thermostat

Dining Room (0% Completed)

• Paint accent wall
• Purchase 2 wing chairs for end of table
• curtain
• Paint room
• DIY art
• Coffer ceiling like seen here
• Upgrade lighting (possibly spray paint chandelier and use in Master bathroom)

Office (0% Completed)

• Curtains
• Wooden accent wall
• Paint desk and add trim
• Add storage to desk
• Paint shelf. White outside pop of color in the inside like this
• Hang wire for hat and props like this or the one from ikea

Laundry room (0% Completed)



• Add cabinets/shelving
• Paint
• Add Art
• Change floors to match kitchen
• Eventually new appliance

Kitchen (15 % Completed)

• New stove/microwave/dishwasher
• Purchase new fridge
• Install deep sink/faucet
• Install hardware
• 2 bar stools
• Add light in pantry
• Install back splash here
• Change flooring (wood or tile)
• Install granite counter tops
• Add bench or here to eat in kitchen nook
• Curtain
• Paint kitchen chairs
• Add art (from a brewery)

Master Bedroom (0% Completed)

• Paint
• Curtains
• Blinds
• Recover old chair
• New lamps
• Art work
• New bedding
•  

Master Bathroom (0% Completed)

 



• Tile
• Tile shower & expand
• Mount TV
• Purchase hardware
• Change faucets
• Upgrade lighting
• Change mirror
• Fill closets with shelving

Hallway (0% Completed)

• Add board and batter wall
• Change lights
• Add artwork

Closet

• Install shelving

Lorelei's Room (0% Completed)

• Paint
• Install closet shelving Like This
• Add a reading nook
• Paint dresser ombre and small table
• New bedding
• Add blinds

Lorelei's  & Ethan's Bathroom (0% Completed)

• Paint cabinets (?)
• Upgrade lighting
• Upgrade faucet
• Change mirror
• Tile bathtub

Guest Room (0% Completed)

• Make headboard
• Purchase Double Mattress
• Paint tall dresser
• Upgrade light
• Paint
• Purchase blinds
• Curtains, art
• Install closet shelving

Ethan's Room (0% Completed)

• Install board and batten wall
• Paint Inspiration
• Purchase blinds
• Upgrade lights or install fan
• Install closet shelving
• Paint dresser and shelfs

Updated Goal List

1. Weigh less than 200 pounds (5 pounds away!)
1a. Weigh 220 (almost there!)
1b. Weigh less than Nate. My husband is making this hard for me since his weight is going down too.
2. Weigh: 170.
Lose 100 pounds (166.6)
Weigh: 160
3. Take Family pictures (Scheduled for the first of November)
4. Take pictures with Nate, maybe boudoir pictures :)
5. Go to an amusement park with Nate and go on all the roller coasters
6. Go iceskating
7. Shop at the Gap, Learners, and Express (bought my first shirt from Banana republic!)
8. Go to a waterpark and ride all the rides with Ethan Nate, Ethan, and I went to a waterpark yesterday and I rode every ride with them and I didn't get stuck!
9. Wear shorts Done and I'm never going back! It's too damn hot to live in FL and not wear shorts!
10. Dance in a club or bar
11. Run a 5K, (ran my first one and signing up for the 2nd)
BEAT Nate in a 5K
10K
River RunHalf Marathonl
12. Try "fun" things with my husband ;) things sure have gotten fun :):):) but the 2 I have in my head hasn't happened yet. ;)
13. Go to a costume party
14. Wear a skirt to work Wore a skirt to work last week :)
15. Hold my head up high when I walk into a room almost there. I have my up and down days
16. Go to the beach (please Lord don't let me get eatin' by a shark) Went to Fort Desoto beach this weekend and did not get eaten by a shark!
17. Wear knee high boots (I can't wait to find a pair of riding boots & cowboy boots!)
18. Play a full basketball game against Ethan and his friends.
19. Buy bikes and go on bike rides with the family We need to buy Lorelei a seat. grr
20. Wear one of Nate's t-shirts to bed
21. Go horseback riding
22. Go to one of those underground clubs with Nate (Ulta in Miami)
23. Buy a new bathing suit
24. Wear a cocktail dress
25. Do an obstacle course or high rope course including a zip line
26. Play on a softball team (I'm currently on a softball team but I'm already talking myself out of it. Stick with it Bre!)
27. Buy a sexy bra from Victoria Secrets
28. Run the bleachers at FC
29. Wear leggings
30. sing Karaoke
31. Tuck my shirt in
32. Buy an outfit from Black & White Market, J Crew
33. Paddle Boarding
34. Cartwheel
35. Hula hoop

My reality

My reality might be a little different than yours. Tomorrow when my husband has a colonoscopy I have more fears than a normal wife.  It's such a simple process but my husband's life and health is anything but simple ever. After his mother's death which started with a colonscopy and his brother's recent diagnoses of colon cancer my fear factor is up a bit. I know when they roll him away for this simple procedure I will be holding back fears and tears. Counting down the moments when I can look into my husband's eyes again.

Exagerrated fears right? Fears of a wife that has seen cancer, heart attacks, and nightmares of a future that doesn't contain my best friend.  I'm looking forward to fast forwarding past tomorrow.

I'm expecting and sick.

2 weekends ago while visiting friends in GA I was asked how far along I was. Seriously 140 pounds and I still get asked that question?  I told the lady I wasn’t expecting and that not to feel bad it was just the dress. A dress that I wear all the time. So, do most people think I look knocked up when I’m in that dress. I’m 148 pounds and a size 8 but the extra skin around my stomach makes my belly stick out. I went from feeling like the hottest girl at the party to the fattest girl at the party.  I can’t wait to get a tummy tuck.

 

Then last weekend we had friends over at our house. I’m sitting around with 4 girlfriends laughing and having a good time. One of the friends look at me and said, “Don’t take this wrong but you are too skinny girl. My kids having been asking if Mrs. Sabrina is sick.” I laughed awkwardly and then started to cry. So I’m either too fat, pregnant, or too skinny. I can’t win. Maybe I don’t look as good as I think I do. Do I look sick?  I felt like I was punched in the gut. I don’t understand how she could say that to me.  These people have been in my life on a daily basis. They’ve seen the transition. How could they ask if I was sick?

 

I don’t know what to think about it. I just cried and went to bed and everyone went home. She sent me a text the next day apologizing for the timing. I feel like if she was concerned about my weight she should have approached me privately and asked me about it. I haven’t lost weight in months. I’ve actually fluctuated 1-4 pounds over the last 2 months. I’m not trying to lose weight. I eat! I actually get concerned with my freedom of eating some days and have to take a step back to make sure that I’m making healthy choices on a daily basis with some free days.  

 

Most days I feel skinny but I wonder if that is in my head. Now it makes me wonder if I’m not as skinny as I think. I do hate my stomach. I think my stomach makes me look fat. So then is it the opposite do I think I have a fat stomach but I actually look really sick to people?

 

I think the part that hurts the most is that at 148 pounds I still have to question my weight and looks. I wasn’t expecting that.

I can sing I can sing I can....

Saturday night I had a nice buzz going on. Boot and Bottles Karaoke night here we come. The SEM loaded up with Randy and Crysta in tot and headed over. It was Nick's birthday and he's a karaoke man.

He sang The Thunder roll and the crowd of 11 people cheered on.

The 4 other people in the bar went up and took their turn. No future Voice winners but they did their thing. Nick asked me if I would sing a duet with him. Me? Um no. C'mon, you can do it. Crysta then volunteered to sing with me and I whispered yes. Nick ran up and put our name on the list. I looked at Nate and asked him if I could do it. Whiskey Lullaby was the song of choice. He said, "You could do anything you wanted to. But will it be decent is the right question." Or something like that. I went to a separate table to listen to the next karaoke singer shout her song and I started to cry.

I really really wish I hadn't.  I was so scared. I had so much fear in me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get up there and sing in front of all these people. (11) Nick saw me and went up and removed our name. I walked up to him and told him not to do that. I told him that singing karaoke was on my goal list and I needed to do this. "Great," the DJ said, "Y'all are next!" GULP

"Cassie's passed out in the bathroom."

"Sabrina and Nick you're up!"

Just as they were calling us up our friend passed out in the bathroom and we had to take her home. Saved by the ????

So what about my goal list? I have to face my fear. I have to get this feeling of defeat out of my head. My plan is to practice 1 song and get up there and do it.  When? I don't know but I'm not going to let my fear beat me. I've overcome and done so much. I won't let fear win.

Prayers Request

Please pray for Howie this morning. If that's not your thing cross your fingers and toes. We were told yesterday that he has colon cancer. The exact severity to be determined this morning at 11 o'clock.   Please pray that his road to recover is the same or similar to Nate's. Howie is the head of this family. We are use to him leading us during time of despair or crisis. Nobody is prepared for this. Prayers please.