I wondered if this would happen. I wondered if when I started to lose weight if some of the people in my life would be jealous. If they found comfort in me being a biggie with them or them being the thinner one. I know that for me the first time I got to spend time with my lifetime BFF and I saw how fabulous she looked and how she got to shop at the stores I couldn't, I felt jealous. Well kinda. I was jealous with a good spirit because I know how much losing the weight meant to her. Spending our vacation with her last year is what pushed me to finally make the same choices she did. To reach for that physical happiness I had the pleasure of watching her achieve.
I hope that my family and friends can feel the same way that I did and do for my BFF. That they can be inspired by me the same way I was by her. I love the support I've received from my family. I'm elated that they have started working on their own fitness. I can just imagine the adult cruise with all of us looking fabulous and in bikinis! We are tailgating on Sunday and my sister in law is making something with my restrictions in mind and something healthy for them. That makes me dealing with the thought of chips and hot dogs so much easier and I love her for that. I'm truly blessed to have met a man with an amazing family.
I love how my husband loves the transformation. That he loves to see how far he can wrap his arms around me and I love even more that he waited to tell me that he couldn't a few months ago.
I love the random text messages I get from Charlyn cheering me on. When I run and prepare for 5Ks Charlyn and Buffie are two people that inspire me. The message from my little sister Caroline saying that I've inspired her to get into shape. These next few years are going to define her next decade and I hope that I can mentally and physically help her be the young lady I know she can be.
I have another good friend that I believe feels towards me as I did to my BFF. She is now on the road to her own weight loss surgery. I'm so happy that because she has stood by me as a support member she was inspired by me and her own BFF and has chosen to move forward with RNY. To put herself first and her health first for the first time. I can't wait to be there for her in the next couple months just as she was & is there for me. I can't wait even more for us to go shopping together and run more races together and to look like those healthy women that jogged pass us one day.
As this journey goes on I know that I will face people that have a mean spirited jealous attitude towards me. That will point out my faults rather than my accomplishments. Eww looks at her saggy arms instead of man look at her thin waist. Or even, "You wear happiness well" I know it's coming. I know that in certain people it's there right now. I don't flaunt every success to the public because I don't want to encourage jealousy. I just hope that those people that found comfort in me being a fattie for life that will find some motivation from my life and my current struggles and use that to motivate them. We all deserve better than this. We did this to ourselves. I made myself fat and I deserve more. It feels great to be selfish and to say that out loud.
I deserve to feel good. Is weight just a number? Are big girls beautiful? Yes, but don't lie to yourself. We aren't happy. I wasn't happy. I knew I was beautiful but 9 times out of 10 I felt ugly. I felt fat. I felt like I wasn't good enough for myself, my kids, or my husband. Especially my husband. I deserve happiness and to be comfortable with my own shadow. To be able to smile at that reflection in the mirror. As I watch my family and friends start to make the choice I did, whether through surgery or a healthy lifestyle change it makes me happy.
Okay sorry I got off track. lol So, what do I do about the mean spirited jealousy? What can I do? I live my life. In the words of those great Jersey Shore kids, "I do me." I can't change how people feel. Believe me I've tried! I can only fix me. I can only control how I deal with things. The "haters" will have no impact on me because I expected it. I guess the good thing is that before going into this I had realistic expectations. I am 85-90% mentally stable (lol) and I'm able to emotionally work on these people or incidents without letting it stop me from my goal. This girl will not be a fattie for life.
Here's agreat excerp from an article I read. "If having others believing in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything. We need to base our decisions about what we want to do on our goals and desires, not the goals, desires, opinions and judgments of your parents, friends, spouse, children and co-workers. Quit worrying what other people think about you and follow your heart."
